kiss

I am sure that most of you have heard of the KISS method to accomplishing a task. 

I remember sitting in my class in junior high and hearing my math teach say remember the KISS rule which stands for Keep It Simple Stupid. 

As I was reading the Bible this morning that seemed to be what Jesus was saying when it comes to life.  He was telling his disciples if you really want to experience the kingdom of God you must become like a child in terms of faith.  I don’t know about you, but I have this problem.   When I start to over think things, it causes all kinds of doubt.

This is true of every relationship.  When I start to over think about what people say, I start to question their motives and that breaks down trust and causes me to have doubts about them.  When I over think golf, I hit the ball in the water.  When I over think about God and try to figure out why God does what he does, it causes me to have doubts.

But when I just use the KISS model for life and relax my mind, it brings peace.  I have found that I can only use the KISS model when I trust God and other people.   Jesus was telling all of us that real peace comes from trusting like a child.   Most children are not skeptics and you and I were not born skeptics.   The world has just taught us to be one.

So here’s the question that you and I have to answer.   Will you use the KISS model for life or will you keep over thinking everything and live in torment and not trust God or anyone else?

Matthew 18:2-4 (Msg)   For an answer Jesus called over a child, whom he stood in the middle of the room, and said, “I’m telling you, once and for all, that unless you return to square one and start over like children, you’re not even going to get a look at the kingdom, let alone get in. Whoever becomes simple and elemental again, like this child, will rank high in God’s kingdom.

 

choice 6 – repairing relationships

Guest Blogger:   Michelle Chastain on “Life’s Healing Choices“

This week’s choice leaves me the following thought:  Repairing relationships – yuck!  Can’t I just leave all of this repair business to Jesus and let Him handle the parts of my life I’d rather not deal with?  The answer is a resounding, “No”.  Jesus showed His mercy to me when I didn’t deserve it and, as an expression of my gratitude for Him and what He has done in my life; I am to show His mercy to others. 

This means I’ll have to let go of the resentment and anger that I have harbored for a long time and have come to recognize as my traveling companions in life.  What will I do if I let go of the bitterness in me.  Who will I be?  How will I act?  This behavior is me is deep seated . . .

I am reminded of the words of the apostle Paul in his letter to the Philippian church: 
“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases Him.  Do everything without complaining and arguing so that no one can criticize you.  Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people.”  (Philippians 2:13-15)

Wow.  God tells me in His word that He is working in me and giving me power!  I don’t have to repair anything in my own strength; He is with me.  And He offers me instruction on how to allow Him to work in me:  without complaining and arguing while I live a clean and innocent life.  He even goes so far as to tell me why:  so that no one can criticize me (for His sake) and He tells me who I will be as I do these things:  a bright light in a perverse world. 

As I begin to go about repairing relationships I praise God that I can walk in His strength and His might.  He will take my human attempts and with His divine power, make them glorious, as He is glorious.  I am already anticipating the healing that is headed my way!

choose your side

Today I heard on the news, like many of you, that the shooter at the army base at Fort Hood in Texas who killed 13 people and wounded 30 others was a known enemy of this country.  He was able to serve in the army because of our government trying to not be offensive to anyone.  I think we have had enough of being politically correct in this country.  It doesn’t work.

In order to be a great nation, great church, or a great family you have to have unity on some basic principles.  Our nation rose to be the greatest nation on earth because of our unity on the moral principles the Bible gives.

Here’s the deal.  We must decide who sets the boundaries for our lives.  I watched a little of the Monday night football game last night and they had side lines and goal lines that set the boundary in which both teams understood the game was to be played in.

If our marriages, our families, our churches or our country is going to survive, they have to have agreed upon boundaries. 

What has kept Rhonda and I together for over 22 years is not just our love for each other, because there have been times that we didn’t feel that strong of a love for each other.  It was God’s Word that set the rules before we got married.   We agreed that no matter what, we would honor God with or marriage.  We agreed to honor what God wants over what we want.

If you don’t set that standard for your life and your family, you will fall into the trap our army just fell into.  In the name of not wanting to offend anyone, they moved their boundaries to accommodate the enemy within their own ranks.  The end result was death to innocent people.

And that is what always happens when we don’t have Godly boundaries in our lives, innocent people die.  Like the baby that will be aborted today, the child whose innocence will be stolen because of a child molester.  Like the kid that is not like everyone else so the world will steal his or her innocence and convince them they are gay.

My prayer is, “God give us men and women who are like Joshua in the Bible.” 

Joshua 24:15 (NIV)   If serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”

our prayer for you

Please view the prayer below

if it’s to be….

I have been reading the Bible through this year and I am just now on the last book of the Old Testament.   So, it may be the end of January before I finish the Bible from cover to cover. 

As I read through the book of Micah I came across a pretty straight forward and very simple strategy for living life. 

Micah 6:8 (Msg)  What God is looking for in men and women.  It’s quite simple:  Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously – take God seriously.

I did my personal inventory of all my habits, hurts, and hang-ups and asked God to help me with them.   The one word that came to me…this very high D, type A person was RELAX!

I think that comes right in line with not taking myself too seriously and taking God much more seriously.  In order to do that, I have to realize I am in control of very little and drop the attitude of “if it is to be, it is up to me.”  Now my new saying is, “God, if it is to be, it is up to You.”

How about you are you?  Are you taking yourself too seriously and God, not serious enough?

the transformation choice

Guest Blogger:  Michelle Chastain on “Life’s Healing Choices“

The choice for week five is the transformation choice.  This choice is about making changes, about voluntarily submitting to every change God wants to make in my life and humbly asking Him to remove my character defects. 

This choice is difficult for a number of reasons.  We can only work one character defect at a time.  We have to face each day one at a time. Leaving the life we know, even if it is bad, is scary!  We can not tackle all of our defects at once nor can we expect instant victory over things that have taken a lifetime to become habits.  Just as Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread” we, too, must pray, “God, give me today the strength for (fill in the blank with your own need here)” 

So far we have faced some difficult and heavy decisions in this series but I want to challenge us all to remember that the changes are is tough they are worth the effort!  God will provide us His strength if we will only let Him!.  Remember, Happy are those whose greatest desire is to do what God requires.  This week let’s desire what God wants and watch with expectation and enthusiasm as He begins to change the character defects in our lives that we have brought to Him.   Like little children who are receiving and unwrapping a long awaited gift from their Father, let’s be excited as we see what God is going to do in our lives through the transformation change.

what i get is what i give

This morning I was reading the book “Life’s Healing Choices,” by John Baker.  I am reading the chapter on forgiveness and he made a statement that I believe is true for life in any area.  It is this, “YOU CAN’T RECEIVE WHAT YOU ARE UNWILLING TO GIVE.” 

That is the words of Jesus put in a different way.  Jesus said it this way.

 Luke 6:37 (NIV)   ”Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Here is the question that you and I must ask ourselves, “Are we giving to everyone, not just a few people, but everyone what we want back from God and others?”

Let that sink in and the next time you think about making someone pay with the cold shoulder, ask yourself, “Is that what I want back from God and others?”

we must never forget

Yesterday I had a very sad hospital visit at Henry Medical Center.  I went to see a young man and his family who had over dosed and was on life support.  They will be removing it this morning at 10am.  It was so sad to look at the pictures of this young man that were around the room, so healthy, so happy and yet he lay there so broken.

Alan Greene went with me and we had prayer for the 20 year old who given up hope and bought the lie of the devil that he would be better off dead.  Jesus reminded us in his Word of the devil’s main objective. 

John 10:10 (NIV)   The thief (the devil) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

As I was sharing with this mother that I believe God can still speak to people when they are in a comatose state, her reply to me was, “I hope he finds the peace he has been looking for.”

My friends, that broke my heart because somehow this young man who lived in Henry County didn’t have a chance to know the love of God and the peace of God. 

Stockbridge Community Church, we must never get slack or lazy in doing all the good we can for all the people we can because that is what God has called us to do.  He has called us to give hope and without it, people will die. 

Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)   Where there is no vision (of God), the people perish:

People only see God in the good that his people do.  So let’s keep doing good that people may see God through us and find hope.   Remember, it feels good to do good and you are the most like God when you are doing good.

Our Prayer For You

Please join Michelle Chastain as she prays for those involved in The Life’s Healing Choices Campaign at Stockbridge Community Church.

the housecleaning choice

Guest Blogger:  Michelle Chastain on “Life’s Healing Choices”

Week 4’s choice is that I openly examine and confess my faults to myself, to God, and to someone I trust.  The beatitude behind this choice is Matthew 5:8:  Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God.  The truth is that I can not purify my own heart with good behavior.  Only God can give me a pure heart, and this pure heart will bring about good behavior. 

In Sunday’s sermon Pastor Jeff talked about Jesus bringing Lazarus back to life and that the disciples were told to loose the grave clothes.  This is what week 4 is about:  God has saved me (brought me back to life) and I have to examine myself and see what is wrong in my life.  Confessing the wrongs in my life to myself, to God, and to someone I trust (not on billboard outside of the local supermarket) is the removing of the grave clothes – bringing off the things that only the dead wear.  The living do not wear grave clothes!  Just like Lazarus needed help from the disciples to loose his grave clothes, we need help from others – our church family, our small group, and maybe even Celebrate Recovery or Christian counseling. 

I can not change myself; only God can change me.  My job is to surrender to God and allow Him to bring about change in my life that is needed.  As I spend time with God in His word and in prayer and with other believers, the grave clothes begin to come off, layer by layer, as He purifies my heart. 

This week as we make our moral inventories and share with other people, let us pray that God will begin to remove our grave clothes so that we can live in light of His promises.

Hello World

Today I am beginning this blog to let the people of Stockbridge Community Church and anyone who chooses to read it get a little closer to me.  It is my desire as I share on this blog about what God is doing in my life through the good times and bad that you will draw life principle and your faith will grow as you read this blog.

 

As I begin my day I have learned the important of starting it off right.  By getting up 30 minutes early and learning to practice some relaxation techniques.

 

I would like to share them with you.

 

The first one is to get yourself comfortable and take deep breaths from you abdomen.  You breathe in slowly and watch your stomach rise and release the air slowly.  It has been proven that most people who are continually stressed out are people who hold their breath or breathe shallow from their chest.  As I breathe slow and deep I say to myself, my body is relaxed and my mind is alert to love deeper and to be more patient with people and to more relaxed.  Once I practice that kind of breathing for about five minutes I go the next step and I will share that with you tomorrow.  Go ahead now and give the breathing a try and see how it brings your heart rate down as you begin to relax.  I hope you have a great day.

 

Imagine…

Today as I write I have become very aware of the ability that we all have…. a God given ability that can make our life much better or make our life very miserable if we use it the wrong way.

 

This great ability is our imagination.  I am reading a book called “Wide Awake” by Erwin McManus and he shares some wonderful insights about our imagination.  He says “you can imagine far more than you will ever live, but you won’t live far more than you imagine.” 

 

Who you are flows from what’s going on in your head.  Your imagination is the place where God begins to crate your future.  It all starts in your head before you begin heading anywhere.

 

Proverbs 23:7 (KJV)   For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:

 

When we get stressed out our imagination works against us because it only imagines everything going wrong and getting worse.  That by the way causes fear.  Remember the definition of fear is:

False

Experiences

Appearing

Real. 

 

So today as you day dream on your way home from work or school, point your imagination in the right direction and let it run wild in the area of how you may be able to help some one who can’t help themselves.  Let it run wild on how you can make your home a better place without blaming someone else for all your problems.  Let it run wild as to how you can help your company be better and more profitable in these tough economic times.  Why not let God use your imagination today to do something great?  God has put something great inside of you to benefit others and will make you feel great about life.  So today let your imagination run…. let it run wild with God.

 

Relaxation tip for today:   Learn what it feels like for your body to be relaxed.  The way you do this to consciously tighten your muscle one at a time and release the tension slowly.  Record the feeling in your mind as to how the release feels.  Then, visualize a big dial with numbers on it and see yourself turning that dial from 10 to 0 and feel your body relaxing and your tension go away. 

 

I will give you the next step tomorrow.  Have a wonderful day.

What I see…

Today I thought I would share with you what I day dreamed about yesterday.  I actually took some time out yesterday and wrote down what I see in my heart and would like to share that with you today.

 

I saw Stockbridge Community Church packed to capacity with people hungry for God’s Word and to serve Him.   I saw thousands of people sharing their life with others.  I saw thousands sharing heart felt relationships.  I saw myself motivating thousands of people to get out and share their love and life with those that can’t help themselves.

 

Proverbs 31:8 (NIV)   ”Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”

 

I saw Stockbridge Community Church as a group of people that when we see others in our church in need that would let our faith lead us into action and share what we have with those who don’t have.  James 2:15-17 (Living)   “If you have a friend who is in need of food and clothing, and you say to him, ‘Well, good-bye and God bless you; stay warm and eat hearty,’ and then don’t give him clothes or food, what good does that do?”

 

So you see, it isn’t enough just to have faith. You must also do good to prove that you have it. Faith that doesn’t show itself by good works is no faith at all–it is dead and useless.

 

I saw Stockbridge Community Church as a group of people who look after orphans and widows in their time of hardship and by doing so we as the people of God would always keep our priorities right and not get caught up in things but in people

 

James 1:27 (NLT)   “Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us.”

 

I see us as a real church that is in love with God and it shows in how we respond to the people around us.   I want you who read this that are apart of Stockbridge Community Church to know I love you and believe we are becoming all of the above.

 

Well  this morning I am running late for a meeting, so I will share the relaxation tip tomorrow.   I hope as you dream you see a bright future with God and his people.  I love all of you.  Have a great day.

I Am Free!

Today I am headed back to a conference with Dave Ramsey’s organization.  It has been really good to see the need again about how much we as God’s people need to be out of debt.  When the average person is spending $1.22 for every dollar they earn, we all become slaves to the people we borrow money from.  Thank God His Word has the answers and Rhonda and I have been putting them into practice.  With God’s continued help we will pay off our little car by January.  We will have paid off $15,000 from February 08 to January 09, praise God.  You can do it too!

If you have not been through Financial Peace I pray you will this February.  Go to our website at www.sccview.net to register or watch for the sign up table in the lobby coming soon.

Then, you can join me this year in saying I am no longer a slave but I AM FREE!

 

Relaxation tip:  Read your bible in the morning for 15 minutes

 

I hope you have a blessed day

Camping inspite of the odds

This week is a week of time away with my family.  We are camping, which is something we enjoy very much.  Our camping is like doing a Holiday Inn on wheels. We have a bathroom and climate control on the inside of our travel trailer.  One of the things we love about camping is sitting around the campfire and talking.  Rhonda’s parents arrived before us and let us know that we could not have a fire because of how dry it has been.  We were like, “oh no!” because that was our only source of heat for outside and who wants to sit in a camper?  So, I scrambled to find some kerosene heaters to have outside so we could sit out and feel like we are camping.  Get the picture…. we have these big heaters and one of them has a loud fan on it so we have to talk loud and keep the people up around us.  Just another camping experience with the Daws family.

 

I was reading my Bible this morning from Genesis 18 when I came across the story of God’s promise to Abraham of a son.  What was interesting was while the Angel of God was promising Abraham a son, his wife Sarah overheard them and started laughing.  What was promised just went against all logic, but listen to how God responded to this doubt expressed through a laugh. 

 

Genesis 18:14 (TEV)   “Is anything too hard for the Lord? As I said, nine months from now I will return, and Sarah will have a son.”

 

That is the question we have to answer whenever we face things that are impossible for us to figure out.  We all know the answer to that question….  Nothing is impossible with God.

 

Ephesians 3:20 (Living)   Now glory be to God, who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of–infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.

 

Have great day.

 

Keep Climbing

Well, this morning is a beautiful morning here at our campground. Why?  The sun is shining.  Yesterday we had rain all day and were very limited in the things we could do.  So, we did what any real campers would do when it is raining outside, we went to the mall.  The great thing about the rain was that they lifted the burning ban and now we can have our campfire.  Last night was a riot because we were determined to sit outside under our canopy with each adult having their own heater in front of them.  We look forward to a great day today.  I am planning on climbing Stone Mountain today just to prove to myself that I am still in great shape and can do it without losing my breath.  It’s a 40 thing.

 

This morning I continued my reading in Genesis.  I read the story of Abraham and his son Isaac, how God told him to sacrifice Isaac.  If you know the story of Genesis 22 you know that God provided for Abraham a sacrifice so his son would not have to be the sacrifice.  This story is all about being faithful to God when God and life doesn’t make sense.  Every time God did something special for Abraham he named the place where it happened.  Abraham named this place, “The Lord will Provide” or in the Message Bible it says it this way, “The Lord Sees to it.”  I want to encourage you today to understand that no matter what you are going through the Lord will “See To It.”  This is how we let go and let God.  We have to remind ourselves the Lord will See To It.

 

Well, I must go climb that Mountain.

 

Have a great day today.

 

Rocky Top

 

 

I did it. Yesterday I climbed the mountain.  I am sure it was in record time.  I could feel my heart pumping from the time I started.  It was windy and cold so I had the path pretty much to myself.  It is only a mile and a quart hike,  but it’s all uphill.  The first three quarters of the way is a gradual climb, but the last quarter is very steep.  As I was climbing up that last part I could hear my legs screaming to my brain, “what are you doing to me?”  That is about the point when you look back at how far you have come and look ahead at how far you have left to go and start asking yourself, “do I go back or do I keep climbing?”  When I reached that point I could see the top and knew my goal was in sight.  To reach the top and arrive like Rocky when training for the big fight, was such a great feeling.  To know not only did I reach the top, but I must have burned five thousand calories on the way up, I think I will do it again today.

 

Let me ask you today… what mountains are you climbing? Is it sickness? is it family crisis, or financial crisis?  Let me encourage you take the first step to getting over your mountain and I believe the first step is to always ask God for help.  It is also asking God to show you how to take the first step up the mountain by asking, “what can I do to make things better?”  If it is sickness maybe it means you do what your doctor recommends, if it is family crisis maybe you take the step to bridge the gap in broken relationships.  If it is financial maybe you decide to take the financial peace class.  Once you decide to take that courageous step with God, it is amazing at the strength you find to climb and keep climbing.  Once you do what you can do you will find God will do what you can’t do.

 

Listen to what Paul says in Philip. 4:12-13 (NLT)   “I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need.”

 

You can do it and God will help.

 

Have a great and blessed day.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Thanksgiving Day and I will be packing up my camper and taking it home. Rhonda will start cooking things to carry to my mother’s house. My brothers and sisters love for her to cook Macaroni and Cheese and Hash-brown casserole. We will hurry and get ready to go see that side of my family that I have not seen in awhile. But, all of that is still a few hours away and now I will take some time just to be thankful. I like writing out the things I am thankful for it makes me really focus on them, so just endure me as I let my real heart beat out on this blog.

 

What I am thankful for..

1. I am thankful for a God who would see a person like me who was a nobody and give me the greatest blessing of a life calling to change the world one person at a time with the Good new of
Jesus Christ.

2. I am thankful that he gave me a wife who is so supportive and who believes in the good of her husband and is willing to share in this great mission.

3. I am thankful for two children that have taught me how to love as God loves through the ups and downs of their lives.

4. I am thankful for the people that God put in my life to influence me and lead me to understand that character is the most important quality a person can have.

5. I am thankful for the people who are called my staff that work with me every day and who have walked with me through the best of time and worst of times and are still with me today walking
beside me making this heavenly vision possible, I am truly thankful for them.

6. I am thankful for a church family that loves me and I love them.  SCC is different from many churches because it really cares about the person sitting beside them on a Sunday. I am thankful that I get to give
my life serving people like the people of SCC.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody

 

 

 

Giving

Well, today is the day after Thanksgiving and all the advertisements have been zooming at us all.  When I got home from a few days away my mail box was full of sales papers and political ads.  It’s like Thanksgiving day is the day you stand on the starting line and wait for someone to say, “go!” and start running until Christmas is over.  I think that is what makes us feel so empty on December 26^th. We have been running and running to make Christmas this big unforgettable experience for our family that some how it is a let down.  It came and it went and I didn’t feel the way I wanted to after it was over.  I have had it with Christmas as usual, I have determined in my heart that Christmas is all about doing something for someone else who can’t pay you back in anyway. 

 

That was the great times that Rhonda and I have had at Christmas. When our kids were small and we would buy things for them knowing they couldn’t do anything to repay us, we didn’t even expect a thank you or I love you or anything, we just gave with no expectations.  I can’t remember the last time I gave a gift with no expectations.  I believe that is the spirit of Christmas.  Now that I think back it was so fun running from store to store looking for a Buzz light year because Tyler, my son, didn’t expect it and so it would be that big of a deal if he didn’t get it.  But just to see the smile of a kid who did ask for a gift, get a gift and we as parents not expect anything in return.  Now that was Christmas. 

 

Now we sound like the varsity “What’ll you have, What’ll you have?” and when they get it because they ask for it we expect a THANK YOU, or I will never disappoint you again because you brought me this.  That leaves me disappointed when I build Christmas up to be that.  So, this year I am gathering my family and we are going choose a family that we can buy a gift for that can’t give us anything back.  I just want my family to experience Christmas the way God meant it to be.  Just giving without expectations because we want to, not because we have to.

Life Givers

Well today I get up ready to go back to work after a whole week away I feel refreshed.  Yesterday Rhonda and I had the privilege of going to two churches; I was in one church at 9am and another at 11am.  The pastors of both churches are in a pastors small group with me that meets once a month.  I enjoyed being with them and seeing what God was doing at there place of service.

 

This morning I get up with a fire inside me because of this one verse Proverbs 29:18 (KJV)   Where there is no vision, the people perish:  

As I was sitting in a seminar two weeks ago this verse was flashed up on the screen and two words were highlighted, people and perish.  It was at that moment that God open my eyes to see that if we as church don’t fulfill our vision of giving people the opportunity for a better life, people will die.  We give life by helping people to connect to God and his family, by helping people grow spiritually and become personally responsible for the spiritual grow, by helping people understand that when they serve in the church they give life to others and receive the blessing of fulfillment, by reaching out to the community that can’t help themselves we offer life. 

 

We are in the life giving business with the message of Jesus. John 14:6 (NIV)   Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

 

Remember today we are life givers.

Life & Crisis

What a last few days.  Rhonda and I were getting ready to go to an overnight pastors meeting with our denomination Monday, my phone rang and it was a family crisis awaiting me on the other end.  What was going to be a great evening was interrupted with questions like, “What are we going to do?  I can’t believe this?”  I don’t about you but sometimes I feel that I should be exempt from problems that I can’t do anything about.  I do understand that if that were true I would not need God.  Even with that understanding I would be lying if I said it made life easy.  No, in times like that I have all the worry and fear that comes to every other person in the world.  But my faith in God’s grace is what gets me through.  I have come to understand God’s grace to be His ability to do what I can’t do.  This is what God said to Paul in

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)   “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

 

So in times like these I feel the pull of the problem, but I am learning to release it to God day by day and trust Him to do what I can’t.  

 

In Genesis 3, Jacob had a family crisis arise and His response was to return back to Bethel which means, “The house of God.”  Every problem that we face is a reminder it‘s time to look back to God or up to God for the answer and the strength to move on.

 

My prayer for all of us is that we keep looking to God no matter what the situation.

 

Purpose of Christmas

Yesterday I spent all day praying and studying for the sermon this Sunday and I am so excited about the this new series called, “The Purpose of Christmas.”  So, for all my friends who read this blog, I would like to share a little preview of Sunday’s message here at SCC.

 

Christmas is a time of celebration.  We learn this from the angel’s opening statement to the shepherds of Bethlehem.  God had wonderful news for us that would cause us all to rejoice, celebrate, and throw a party:

 

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.  Luke 2:10 (NIV)

 

The good news of Christmas is worth celebrating for three reasons. 

 

It is personal:  “I bring You.”

It is positive: “Good news of great joy.”

It is universal:  “for All the people.” 

 

Christmas is a time to celebrate three things

 

1.  That God loves you

2.  That God is with you

3.  That God is for you

 

So come Sunday ready to celebrate with us.  You will never guess what we’ll give to you when you walk in Sunday.  Don’t miss the surprise; it’s going to be fun.

What do I have to offer?

Today I woke up about 4:30 am and spent the next hour and a half trying to go back to sleep, only to finally hear my alarm go off at 6:00am.  That is a typical Sunday night for me.  I am so keyed up about Sunday, what happened or what didn’t happen.  It is the “pastor’s hang over” I guess.  Most pastors I talk to have the same problem.  I just see and hear so many people who are hurting and it bothers me that I can’t make their lives better.  I can only point them to a better life in Christ and I know that is what I am supposed to do.  It just pulls on my heart strings to see people hurt.

 

For instance, I had one lady come by on her way out of church yesterday and tell me that she had lost her 19 year old son ten months ago, her 27 year old daughter was in jail and her marriage of 17 years just ended.  Everything in me hurt with her as she wept. As she poured out her heart, I thought, “I have nothing to give this lady to help her except my heart felt prayer.”  As I talk to Rhonda about that incident I said that all I had to offer was my heart.  That all I have to offer Stockbridge Community Church… my heart.  I am so thankful to God that’s all He requires is my heart.  I am beginning to understand what Paul meant in Romans 13:8 (KJV)   “Owe no man anything, but love…” 

Why I’m proud of SCC

What a joy it has been to see the Christmas spirit alive this Christmas season.  I have seen more people this year more willing to give to others than I have ever seen in my life.  It is amazing to me see how in the times of economic recession, God’s spirit brings out the best in us.  As a pastor I get to see this every week.  I have heard how the people of Stockbridge Community Church have been caught doing good all over our county.  They’re working at the food bank, picking up food for the food bank, fixing bicycles, delivering bicycles, giving to people in need in our church family, working at medical clinics.   It has just been amazing how the spirit of Christ is alive in our SCC family.  We as a church will give over $14,000 to help the poor in our community have Christmas.   I like you, find myself asking what can I give and how can I serve?  That, my friend, is the spirit of Christmas.  I pray it doesn’t stop on December 25^th.

 

The Question is….

I am reading a book called, The Question behind the Question. It is very interesting because it makes you think about how to respond to situations around you without placing blame.  Here are some of the things I have written down:

 

• When someone wants to know why something happened that was out of your control here is a good response:  “I can’t explain it, but I sure can apologize for it.”

 

• Always start questions with “What” or “How” and contain “I” with a verb like do.  Example, “How can I help?”

 

• It’s better to be the one who is told to wait than the one who waits to be told.

 

• When people are asking the question, what is one thing you would change at work, home or in relationships or in any situation they face, they name many things that are out of there control, but No one says, “me”, which is the only thing in our control.

 

Which of these things do you identify with the most?

 

Good for Nothing

Yesterday as I was studying for Sunday’s message I was thinking about how God has saved us for a purpose.  I know God created us with a purpose in mind but all of us have gotten off track at times because of sin and that is one of the reasons Jesus died for us.  It was to take away our sins so we can get back on track with His plan for our lives.  I read this verse again and the thought that I am about to share came to me.

 

Ephes. 2:10 (NIV)   For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

 

We have all heard the statement made by people who were not pleased with someone say that they are a, “Good for nothing…..”   You can fill in the blank.  Like, “good for nothing husband, father, mother, wife, employee, teacher, or congressman.”  Well, here is the antidote that keeps anyone from becoming a “Good for nothing.”  Are you ready for this?  “Do Good for Nothing.”  That’s it, do good for nothing. What do I mean?  Do good with no expectation of being paid back in any way.  This will change your relationship with God and every person in your life.  I want to be a “Do Good for Nothing” person.  How about you?

 

Got Stress?

My week has been very busy, stressful, and joyful.  Do you ever have weeks like that?  For the last three weeks, we have been working on our Church and Daycare budgets and I can just hear the word, “budget” and my blood pressure goes up.  I am always expecting the worst for some reason but, not anymore.  I have gotten freedom.  As of January 1st our Church will be operating on a Financial Peace budget. 

 

Rhonda has always taken care of our budget at home and I have never gotten stressed one time over that.  We would review it together and we always let the budget tell us what we could do, not what we couldn’t do.  The decisions were already made.  So after 13 years of stressing over budgets, it was that time again and Rhonda could see my stress starting to build.  She suggested, why not do a Financial Peace budget for the church and Daycare?  So I agreed and I can just tell you I had all the fears, frustrations, and stress of making the decision of what was priority, because to me everything is priority.  But here’s the good news, all the financial decisions are made for 2009 outside of the unforeseen things.  So, this year I will be at peace because I know that the decisions are already made for every area of the church.

 

Now, here’s what I had to do to get that Peace:  Lay down pride.  

 

I had to ask people that have a better understanding of numbers and budgets to help me.  I think pride is the greatest enemy of our lives.  God puts many people around us that have what it takes to help us and we don’t ask.  We struggle on and life gets to be overwhelming.  So, if you can do one thing for yourself this Christmas, ask someone who is good at what you are not good at to help you in the area you are struggling in.

 

That’s what Financial Peace University is all about….. giving help where most of us are weak in our personal finances. 

 

Proverbs 16:18 (NCV)   Pride will destroy a person; a proud attitude leads to ruin.

 

What area of your life do you need help with?  Finances, marriage, health, or an addiction?  Just ask for help today!!!!!

The Question Pt.2

I read something last week that I would like to share.  It is from the book “The Question Behind the Question,” by John Miller.   He talks about what real leaders look like in a family, business, church or any situation.  Here is what he said, “Leaders are not problem solvers.  Leadership is not about covering for people, taking on their duties and responsibilities, or doing it all by yourself.  That is not a service to others; it is a disservice to everyone.  When a manager steps in and closes the sale, when project leaders carry the team’s ball, when parents clean the child’s room-it teaches nothing positive and adds no real value.”

 

Leaders are not problem solvers but problem givers.  They let others tackle the problem, design their own solutions, and take action.  How else can people learn?  How else can leaders serve?”

 

As I read that and thought to myself, I am guilty of not being a very good leader at home or work at times.  I have always taken a great deal of pride in being a problem solver.  So now is the time to take inventory of who is around you, ask the question who can help me solve this problem.  I leave you with the scripture I left you with last Friday.  Proverbs 16:18 (NCV)   Pride will destroy a person; a proud attitude leads to ruin.

 

I never thought trying to do it all myself was a form of pride, but it is.

Tis the Season…to slow down

I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that this season makes life speed up.  When I get too busy, I get tired and when I get tired, I am hard to get along with at home.  So, I am working at keeping things together.  Here are some tips I have come across to reduce the holiday stress. 

Peace on Earth—and at Your House, Too

How to beat the stress of the season

James and Heather Sells 

It’s supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year,” but the strain of the four-week Advent season can test even the strongest of marriages.

You’ll go to extreme lengths to make meaningful memories for your kids. You’ll try to blend three family traditions (hers, his and ours). Possibly you’ll travel hundreds of miles to visit loved ones. You’ll write, rewrite and distribute a Christmas letter (bonus point if you include hand-written notes), spend hours shopping for presents (bonus point for time-consuming homemade gifts) and attend the obligatory office parties, neighborhood get-togethers, church socials and school programs (triple bonus points if you host a party).

No wonder your idea of peace on earth has shrunk to 30 minutes of quiet—so you can wrap presents.

‘Tis the season to make some changes. For Christmas this year, you and your mate can exchange these patterns for a saner Christmas. Here’s how to beat the stresses of the holiday season.

1.  Say what you want. As holiday tensions increase, so do conflicts. As you get more tired, the more you expect your spouse to pick up the slack. When these unfair expectations don’t get met, you both feel resentful. So forget expectations, but do ask.  Desires should be stated, collaborated and related. “Stating” means discussing roles and responsibilities for each person. “Collaborating” is working together to resolve differences. “Relating” is honoring your relationship in all your actions.  Get down to the ‘nitty gritty’! Tell your mate why it’s important that you stay up ’til the wee hours baking cookies and writing personal notes on Christmas cards. Negotiate and make specific plans, for example for decorations—big trees vs. little tree, who will put up outdoor lights, which rooms you’ll decorate indoors, etc.

 

2.  Put your marriage and family first. It’s hard to take care of each other when you’re worried about disappointing loved ones. But if both sets of grandparents plan simultaneous celebrations, someone’s got to be disappointed. Don’t sacrifice your spouse’s needs. The rule: spouse before family of origin or friends. Decide together what you want to happen in December. Maybe you should say no to your uncle’s annual snowmobiling trip so you can skate with your own kids.

 

3.  Share the load. Holiday preparations tend to fall on one person’s shoulders—which isn’t good for either spouse. The one with the heavy workload feels resentful; the other partner feels useless and disconnected.  Seek a balance of duties and agree on priorities before the rush begins. To create a balance, let some duties go and mix up other chores. Last Christmas when I was pregnant, Jim bought stocking stuffers for his family’s Christmas celebration—a job I normally handle. We’re still laughing over the funny gifts he chose

 

4.  Listen to your spouse’s dream. Heather tells me that what she really wants for Christmas is some quiet family evenings. So we set aside the nights. Plan to see “The Nutcracker” together or take a Saturday to shop for the tree and trim it.

 

5.  Honor each other’s family traditions. In my family the video camera and other cameras stay in continual use during holiday gatherings. Heather comes from a photographically challenged family, but now she enjoys it—most of the time. Maybe you dislike your spouse’s family’s favorite Christmas snack. Maybe your family gives lots of presents, and your spouse’s gives just a few. Talk about the differences and respect each other’s celebration styles.  There is really no “right” or “wrong” here, just different preferences.

 

6.  Plan ahead– lighten the calendar. Make pre-Christmas, Christmas and post-Christmas plans. For example, have get-togethers in November and January, then commit December to major events.

 

7.  Respect your budget. If Heather splurges on a gift for her sister then I feel “justified” to splurge on a gift for my dad. It’s easy to find ourselves extended beyond our budget. Especially when money is tight, it’s not fair to overspend and then expect your spouse to support your purchases. Plan ahead so you have time to find “perfect” gifts within your limits.  Talk with your spouse about what is fair and avoid competing.

 

8.  Set a date night in December. Too many “must-do” events leave no time for you as a couple. So plan a night out—or “in” after the kids are asleep. If you can’t schedule one, then you’re over-committed.   Back off from trying to do so much.  Slow down and live.

9.  Keep in mind the best gift you can give. A loving relationship is the best gift. So make decisions that nurture your marriage and reduce tension. What’s the gift we want most? A marriage that reflects the beauty and sacrifice of God’s gift to humankind.

 

What’s the point of gifts?

I have been thinking a lot about Christmas and the gift giving.  I have asked myself, “Why do I give gifts?”  I hate to admit this, but most are out of obligation and not because I want to.  This is totally opposite of what Christmas is all about.  Christmas is all about giving, but not like I have been and I would dare to say that’s the way most give. 

 

So, I have done this soul searching and have asked myself, “Why are Christmas gifts given?”  Well, here’s the conclusion I have come to.  Christmas gifts are to be given as an expression of love.  If I give a gift for any other reason it, leaves me feeling empty.  With that thought in mind, I will not give my grandmother another $20 gift card to Walmart.  I will take her on a date.  The greatest gift I can give her is me.  You know I think that is what all of our family wants is more of us and less stuff.  They want us to be there when we are there and not ready to run out the door. 

 

Maybe this Christmas I will walk into my parent’s home with a bow on my head, with all my family present, and say, “I am here, all of me is here, I am not in a hurry, let’s visit awhile.” 

Wow

 

Today is what I would call a fabulous Friday.  Why you might ask?  The answer is because it is a day that I reflect on what has happened this past week and month  and my heart is filled with Joy.

 

Here are some of those thoughts:

 

When I was told one of our ladies at Stockbridge Community Church is volunteering at Hands of Hope Clinic.  She is in her seventies and files the paper work of the clinic.  Wow.

 

Joy comes when I think about how three families helped in our community with Helping in His Name Food Bank.  How two men from Stockbridge Community Church picked up food from schools that was donated.  Just to serve. Wow.

 

Joy comes when I think about how men from Stockbridge Community Church worked on bikes so that kids would have something for Christmas.  That excites me.

 

Joy comes when I think about how people in Stockbridge Community Church are helping one another.  I have heard of one such case where a guy in our church repaired a car for a lady and let her use his until it was complete and guess what…. He paid the bill.   That is very exciting.

 

Joy comes when I hear stories of people delivering bikes to people who would not have Christmas.

 

Joy comes when I think about how the greatest church in the world gave $14,000 to provide Christmas for over 200 kids.  Stockbridge Community Church is the greatest and the most unselfish church in the world.  Wow, Wow.

 

It truly is a fabulous Friday.

Sunday Reflections

Today I am still trying to let Sunday sink in.  All of the stories that I heard of Stockbridge Community Church doing good for others is overwhelming.  I was totally shocked when I heard Denese Rodgers tell us that 1,400 people’s needs were met this Christmas and largely because of the people of this Church.  How many times do you hear someone who works with the government say we couldn’t have done it without a Churches help.

 

I know I pastor the greatest church in the world, not because SCC is a perfect church, because the day I showed up as the pastor it became imperfect.  It’s not because we don’t have problems, because anytime you have people, you have problems.   I think I have figured out what makes SCC such a great church, it is the fact that we love God and we have learned as a church how to express that for God by loving one another and our community.

 

I pray we never let go of real love, the kind that keeps expressing itself in what we do for others.  Thank you SCC for loving one another and loving the community the way you have. I can’t tell you how my heart runs over with gratitude for you

I’m Messed up

Today is a day that I am going to slow down and enjoy the people around me.  I have been trying to get a lot of things done by the end of the year and it has been crazy.  I have worked on budgets and restructuring the way our church operates starting with our staff and it has been draining.  Something you may not know about me is I have a  messed up personality.  I am a very direct person, but I really don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Now that is messed up.  So, I have this internal conflict inside when I have to be direct, I know it is going to hurt someone’s feelings and it bothers me.  I look at some people who are so even keel like my wife and say, “your life must be really boring.” She then reminds me,  “it’s not because I married you.”

 

So, today my prayer is please Lord don’t send anyone my way that has to be confronted.  I want to chill out for the holidays.  I hope you will chill out too. 

Merry Christmas

Last night we had our Christmas Eve Services, by the way, I love this service and this year we had Holy Communion, it was a special time, we talked about Joseph and how very special this man was, the adoptive father of Jesus.

 

Joseph was making plans to marry Mary and I am sure he was planning to get their own home and maybe open up his own carpenter shop, all the things a person dreams about when they think about a life with a person they love.  Like how he will be the best provider Mary could ever have.  All these dreams I am sure were in Joseph’s mind and they came crashing down when the most gut wrenching words came out of Mary’s mouth.  “Joseph, I am with child.”  Can’t you just feel your own heart speed up when you read that, just out of pity for poor Joseph?  I am sure that’s all Joseph heard, I don’t believe the words that “the baby is from the Holy Spirit” registered with him at all.

 

Joseph faced what we all face in life, an interruption.  His response was the same as ours today when interrupted.  He tried to get rid of it.  I can hear him say, “Mary you are out of here.”  But, here is the amazing thing, God was in his interruption.  Joseph was chosen to be the father of the Father’s son.

 

I have found that most of the time, things that happen in my life that I see as an interruption, I want to just get rid of it and want it to go away.  When I stop trying to just get rid of it, I realize that God is in my interruption.

 

I want to say Merry Christmas to all who read my blog.

The problem’s not mine in 2009

Well, this is the week that I will slow down and reflect over this past year and try to celebrate in my own heart the wins of 2008.  Personal wins as well as our church family wins.  I will also reflect on what didn’t work.  I would like to give a shout out to our student pastor, Ricky Mosel for a wonderful and challenging message yesterday.  If you would like to hear it you can go to http://www.sccview.net.  He challenged us to not just make a new years resolution with a list of new things we are to do, but to make a stop doing list.  I think this is great advice we all can receive for ourselves. I need to learn to rest.  Resting is for me is not sitting around watching movies all day, what some people call vegging.  I would call that hell.  No, resting for me is more mental than physical.  So, the first thing on my stop doing list is to stop trying to solve every problem that I hear about.  That probably sounds nuts to you, but that is the way my mind works.  I will give problems to a group of people and let them solve them instead of me trying to solve every problem that I see.  So, that’s my first new year’s resolution.  I will however become a “problem giver.”  I will give problems to God and to others and never have the intention of being the problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s Your Goals?

I am having a partial week off this week. What that means is the office is closed. I have not been able to get away from the phone this week so far. I did get to play golf yesterday at Little Mountain Golf course. I like playing there for two reasons one it is cheap two and I can walk the course for sixteen dollars. The second reason I like playing golf there is I get to meet new people. You can really get to know someone after eighteen holes of golf. I like meeting people who don’t know I am a pastor and see how long it takes before they ask me what I do for a living.

 

Rhonda has informed me that we have a big house cleaning day today, basement and all. She is having her singers and band over New Year’s Eve. I think she invited them so we would have to do a super cleaning job. It will be fun.

 

Wednesday, I plan to set some goals for the New Year. After praying and asking God for direction I start writing five to ten goals. One thing that helps me stay goal focused is to write these goals down every day. Once I write them over and over in my journal day after day, I begin to see them coming to pass. Like last year, I knew I was going to do financial peace university, so I set a goal to pay my car off by the end of January 09. I owed about $13,000 and had no idea as to how that was going to happen but Rhonda and I put any extra money we had toward it and God has done the rest. As of next week I will owe $1,500 on it and I am believing some how that it will be paid off by the end of January.

You give it try.

 

What tomorrow brings….

Well, today is the last day of 2008 and tomorrow will be the first day of 2009. So, tonight will ring true the old saying, “out with the old, in with the new.” I like the word, “new.” I get excited when I hear the word, “new.” For some crazy reason when I think about the word new my mind goes back to my grandmother’s house and sitting with her, watching the Price is Right game show and hearing the announcer say, “the prize is a NEW CARRRRR.” My eyes would light up and I would think about how I should go on that show and win a NEW CARRRRR. Well, tonight at midnight I will be the winner of a brand NEW YEARRRR.

Don’t you wish that meant at midnight that you would get to erase everything from last year and years before and start over with the knowledge of the mistake and failure, but not have to live the scars of those mistakes? Well, tonight at midnight I don’t think that will happen for me or anyone else.

 

The word that I like more than new, is RENEW. This is where you take something that has been damaged and repair it to it’s original condition. That is what I look for this year; to let God restore me to my original condition. My original condition was total trust in God and the goodness of people. I love to be around small children who are still in their original condition, who still trust God and trust in the goodness of people.

 

Maybe this is what Jesus was trying to tell us in Matthew 18:3 (NIV), “And he said: ‘I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’”

 

I want to be renewed in 2009. How about you?

 

 

2009

Today is the first day of the New Year and it feels promising. There is just something inside of me that says, “something great is going to happen this year.” I am asking the Lord for “God sized things” to happen this year in my life. That doesn’t mean I am asking for a million dollars. No, I am asking God to let his Holy Spirit work inside of me that I can be everything He desires for me to be. I know with God’s wisdom and God’s power, there is nothing that I can’t accomplish with Him.

 That may sound cliché to you but I really mean it. So, look out Stockbridge Community Church, Henry County, and the world, the real God centered Jeff Daws is standing up. I will walk in the confidence that God is with me and God is for me. I will choose faith over fear and family and friends over fame and fortune. I just feel like I was born for this time.

 It is not just my time, it is the time for anyone who is apart of Stockbridge Community Church. God is up to something big in all of us. My prayer for SCC is that God would let you and me as a church see what He sees and do what He would do.

 Happy New Year everybody.

 

 

 

Stress Busters

I came across a great article called “Learning to Cope with Stress.”  I thought this was great so I would like to share it with all who read my Blog.  I would like you to do me a favor.  After you read this article will you email it to two or three people?  I believe it is that good.

 

What is stress?  Stress consists of an event called, a stressor plus..

            How we feel about it,

            How we interpret it, and

            What to do to cope with it.

 

Hans Selye, a stress expert, defines stress as, “our reaction to any change in our environment.”

 

The three major sources of stress are:  Changes in our environment, Conflict in relationships, and Emotional pressures and conflicts that we create internally.

 

Most often the greatest source of stress is the tremendous pressure and anxiety that we create internally with our own thoughts and feelings.  We do this in various ways including:

 

• Worrying about situations we can’t control
• Being perfectionists – expecting too much of ourselves or others.
• Being competitive – turning every encounter into a win or lose situation.
• Being self-critical, focusing on our faults, not strengths.
• Expecting others to provide our emotional security, not ourselves or God.
• Making assumptions that we know how others feel and what they want from us, instead of asking them.
• Feeling powerless – failing to see available choices.
• Hurrying – expecting ourselves to perform better and faster.
• Comparing our achievements, or lack of them, to those of others.
• Being pessimistic – expecting the worst from life.
• Expecting problem-free living.

 

I made a list of about four or five and put them on my “stop doing list” for 2009.  I plan to write them down everyday with my goal so I will break the source of stress I put on myself,  which is 90% of all our stress.

 

Goals,Goals,Goals

Today I have written down my 2009 goals.  My list consists of three categories: a stop doing list, personal list and Church list.  I have written about five things in each category.  I am learning that nothing happens by chance and change certainly doesn’t happen just by me wanting it to.  I have to do my part.  I think the first thing anyone has to do when they want change in their life is to ask where do they need change?  That is why writing down goals and rewriting helps me stay focused on the change I am asking God for.  One thing I am learning is that focused attention over time brings change and that is very hard for a person like me who has ADD.  So, when I write down my goals and make them public it helps me stay focused.  It also makes me aware of what God is doing when I see progress happening toward one of my goals and I know no one made it happen but God.

 

Here are my goals for 2009:

 

Stop doing goals

• Stop being competitive – Turning every encounter into a win or lose situation
• Stop expecting others to provide my emotional security
• Stop making the assumption that I know how others feel and what they want from me, instead of asking them.
• Stop feeling responsible for other people’s feelings
• Stop being pessimistic – with my first thoughts, by thinking the worst is going to happen

 

Personal goals

• Read 20 books by 12-31-09
• Read the Bible through
• Pay off my Envoy and save three to six months living expenses by 12-31-09
• Relax with five weeks off and one two week vacation by 12-31-09
• Become better friends with another pastor
• Express love to God by expressing love to my family and others.

 

Church goals

• 100 people come to Christ, Adults – Children by 12-31-09
• 25 small groups by 12-31-09
• 150 people serving in the church
• 100 people serving in the community monthly 12-31-09
• Averaging $10,500 a week in giving by 12-31-09
• Averaging 500 in attendance

 

Tell me some of your goals!

 

Naturally Good

I have been listening to a John Maxwell leadership CD and I have found some of the things he has said to be very true.  One thing that he said was that “People don’t change much.  Don’t waste your time trying to put in something that was left out.  Try to draw out what was left in.”   All I can say to that is amen, amen, amen.  I, for years have tried to help people be something they’re not.  Like, I have tried to get a person who didn’t like to be up front, to be an up front person.   I tried to get people to lead who were not leaders.  I have even tried this with my own wife.  I tried to convince Rhonda that she could be a great Sunday School teacher.  Well, she did it for a while and did a good job, but she was miserable.  I have always tried to convince people they really could do whatever even if they didn’t really like to do it.

 

Wisdom has finally shown up thanks to Chesnee Dorsey and we have a class at Stockbridge Community Church called, “The 301 class” to help people discover what they like to do and what is in their heart.  I have found that my job as a husband, parent, employer, and pastor is help people draw out of their heart what God is put in them, never try to get them to be something that they are not.

 

John Maxwell said it this way, “the single most important lesson any parent, leader, coach or friend can ever grasp: I can make you more than you are, I just can’t make you something you’re not!”

 

We are to draw of out of people what God has put in and not try to drive in to people what I think God left out.  That one statement can change your marriage and every relationship you have.  The bottom line, quit trying to change people and encourage them in areas that they are naturally good at.

 

Is there anyone else besides me guilty in this area?

 

Change We Can Believe In

We are doing a series this month on the topic of “Real Change” at Stockbridge Community Church.  How do you have real change?  Well I think real change only comes when there is this equation:  Focused attention, over time, with God’s help will equal change. 

 

You see most of us want to change over night.  I can tell you from meeting with hundreds of people that overnight change doesn’t last.  We have all heard the term fly by night companies, or relationships or whatever.  The idea behind the statement is that anything that happens overnight doesn’t last.

 

What do you want to change this year?  You can have the change that you want, but it all starts with you deciding you are going to give the focused attention to that area of your life for a long period of time and every day asking God to help you.  The old question of how do you eat an elephant?  The answer is one bite at a time.   How do you lose 50 pounds in a year, by losing 1 pound a week.  How do you rebuild your marriage?  You work on it a little bit every day by reading a book or listening to a CD on marriage and applying what you learned.  How do you become a stronger Christian? By reading the Bible a chapter a day, by praying for five uninterrupted minutes a day.  How do I have a better financial situation this year? By taking Financial Peace University.

 

You can have the change you want if you will do what Paul said in the Bible in Philip. 3:13-14 (TEV)   …The one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead. So I run straight toward the goal in order to win the prize, which is God’s call through Christ Jesus to the life above.

 

Take a step toward the change you want every day.  Don’t wait for it to come to you. Get up today and take that first step.  You can do it.  Get up and do it, go for it.

Change We Can Believe In Pt. 2

Real change is what everyone wants.  We get bombarded with advertisements all the time, promising us if we just buy this product it will make our life so much better.  It just seems like we have been sold a lie.  The lie being that we can buy change.  You think about it. What ever area you need change in, you probably think, “I need to buy this to help me with my change.”  For instance if you want get in shape you think, “I must buy a treadmill.” If you want to lose weight, “I must buy a membership to weight watchers.” 

 

If we could buy change, we would all have it already.  You can’t buy change. You have to commit to changing.  Change is an inside job.  We see the result on the outside, but it all must start on the inside.  That’s what makes being a Christ follower so powerful. You have God’s Spirit helping you make the right decision on the inside and giving you the strength to let it show up on the outside.  But I will tell you, God will not give you the short cut or the quick fix to change either.  God wants to change your mind about the way you think about you, your life, and others.

 

Romans 12:2 (NLT)   Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.

 

How do you let God change your mind?

 

• I must be intentional about reading God’s word and thinking about it.
  
•  I must consider what God would want me to do in every situation everyday.
  
•  I must understand changing my thinking pattern is a daily process with God, not a one time fix. 

 

Sunday Reflection

It is Monday morning and my mind is still reflecting on Sunday.  As I review what happened, I can’t help but think about how much I had in my heart to share with Stockbridge Community Church that we just didn’t have time for.  I just see all of us struggling with our weight, fatigue, and stress.  There is not one person who doesn’t struggle with at least one of these areas.

 

Yesterday I heard so many people talk about the pain they had going on in their life and my heart bleeds for them.  I know the pain when you struggle in your marriage. I know the pain of watching your teenager make bad decisions.  I know the pain of not having more month than you have money.  I know how God has walked with me and provided for me and how I have to look to him everyday for the strength and guidance and if I don’t I will crack up.  I just hope as I shared what I believe God put on my heart from His Word, it will penetrate someone’s heart and they will let the change process begin.

 

I can just see pain in people’s faces and I know there is only one answer and I was reminded of the answer by a young man who was exiting the church yesterday.  He had had his own battles with life and had dealt with it all the wrong way as many of us do.  But yesterday he came by me as he was exiting the building and said I have found the answer to my life’s problem and he pulled up his sleeve. Tattooed on his forearm were the words, “Let Go and Let God.”  That is the answer we all are looking for. 

 

Matthew 6:34 (Msg)   “Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

 

Change We Can Believe In Pt. 3

Sunday I presented a question to our church family at SCC that has not left my mind.  The question was,” what will you change before you are forced to change?”  That is the question that every person must answer and if we procrastinate and do not answer the question and take action, we will have to change the hard way by pain.

 

I have watched my Dad who has diabetes not change his eating habits in spite of knowing his disease.  I remember back in 1995 at the age of 49 when they took him in to an operating room and did open heart surgery because of the damage diabetes had done to his arteries.  I remember hearing the doctors say to him, “Mr. Daws we have done all we can do for you to give you a second chance at life, now the rest is up to you.”  I thought after my Dad had his chest cut open he will get it together.  Well, that has not been the case and it has been one doctor’s visit after another over these last 13 years. 

 

I watch people struggle all the time who know what to do to make life better for themselves or their family but for some reason will not humble themselves to make the changes they need to make.  I think the greatest enemy to “Real Change” is pride.  Before I am willing to change I have to admit that I am wrong, my way is not working.   No wonder Jesus said Matthew 23:12 (NIV)   For whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.

 

So one of the first steps for real change is to ask yourself, “what am I doing that is not working in the areas of my spiritual life, family life, financial life or physical life?”   You see, you can’t separate those areas because they all make up your life and only you can decide to humble yourself to change them.  Jesus makes us a promise if we humble ourselves and ask what or where do I need to change. If we start acting on the answer, you will be exalted by him.  That means you take the first step and he will meet you and give you the power to have “Real Change.”

 

Real Change We Can Believe In Pt. 4

Real Change.  That has been the subject that is going through my heart.  How do I have it and how do I as a pastor help other people receive it or go after it?  One thing I believe very strongly is that real change doesn’t just come to you.  Like, you just wake up one morning and you are a more loving person or you wake up and you are 50 pounds lighter or you wake up and you are more spiritually mature.   No, Real Change only happens when we receive the truth about who we are and recognize we need to Change. 

 

I have found one tool that God has given all of us to have real change and that is prayer.  I can’t describe in words how powerful prayer is.  I don’t know all of what happens when we pray, but I can tell you when I pray my heart seems to be laid open bear and some how I see clearly the area of my life that needs change.  It is crazy.  I have been praying for God to change others and before you know it I am asking God to forgive me and find myself making plans to apologize to someone else.  I am like, “God, no, I came here to talk to you about someone else, not me.”  I have always heard the saying that prayer changes things and I agree with that but more importantly, prayer changes me.  I have never found the change that God has shown me to be harmful to me. Sometimes it hurts my pride, but when I receive what God shows me in prayer and take steps to act on what he has shown me, I have Real Change.

 

James 5:15-16 (NIV)   And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

 

Here are a few things that try to keep me from praying

 

• The devil
• Busyness
• Stress
• Worry
• Fatigue 

If you are finding this blog helpful, give me a shout back!

 

Change we can believe in Pt. 5

If change is going to happen it will happen because of perseverance.  I thought I would share this story with you about perseverance by
John Maxwell.

 

Running Past Failure

As a small child, Vonetta (Jeffrey) Flowers dreamed about being in the Olympics. She ran everywhere she went, and gained a reputation among her school friends for being quick. At age nine, Vonetta learned she had special talent. While trying out for an inner-city track club in her hometown of Birmingham, she shocked coaches by posting the best sprint time

for Jonesboro Elementary School – running faster than boys two years older than she was!

 

Vonetta’s immense talent carried her to the University of Alabama-Birmingham on a track-and-field scholarship. While at the university, she continued to pursue her goal of gaining a spot on the Olympic team. She practiced meticulously to perfect her stride, spent hours in the weight room adding strength, and ran grueling intervals to shave seconds

off her sprint times. Thanks to her combination of talent and discipline, Vonetta ended her college career as a 7-time All-American, competing in the 100 meter and 200 meter sprints, long jump, triple jump, heptathlon, and relays.

 

With her college career finished, Vonetta set her sights on the 1996 Olympics. Unfortunately, she failed to qualify for the team, running slightly behind the leaders. The failure stung, but Vonetta was determined not to give up. She found a job as an assistant coach and continued

her regimen of training.

 

For the next four years, Vonetta put her body through punishing workouts with an eye on the 2000 Olympics in Sydney. In her words, “I devoted countless hours to lifting weights, eating right, and staying mentally tough. I knew that my time as an athlete was coming to an end, and I’d hoped that the 2000 Olympic trials would prove to be my year to finally find out what

it’s like to be an Olympian.”

 

In June 2000, Vonetta lined up again to run at the U.S. Olympic Trials. Unfortunately, Vonetta placed 13th, and she failed to make the Olympic squad. Although one of the fastest women in America, she wasn’t in the select group to represent the United States in Sydney. After 17 years of training, she had come up empty in her quest for the Olympics.

Two days after her second painful failure in the Olympic Trials, Vonetta’s husband spotted an advertisement for tryouts for the United States Olympic bobsled team. He convinced her to go to the tryouts. Growing up in the South, Vonetta was not accustomed to cold and snow, and she knew next to nothing about bobsledding. However, at the tryouts her unusual blend

of speed and strength proved to be ideal qualities for a brakewoman (the person who pushes  the bobsled to give it initial momentum and then hops in with the driver). Vonetta was chosen  for the team.

 

Vonetta’s decision to join the bobsled team came with a price – two more years of a strict diet,  sore muscles, and countless hours dedicated to attaining peak physical fitness. It also meant  delaying her dream to be a mom. However, her years of perseverance paid off. Not only did Vonetta achieve her lifelong goal of competing in the Olympics, but she also became the first African-American to win a gold medal in the winter Olympics!

 

That is a wonderful story.  Vonetta persevered. She kept believing, she kept training, and she kept running until she finally caught up with success.

 

Let me encourage you to keep on keeping on and the change your looking for will start showing up day by day.  Don’t quit, PERSEVERE.

 

James 1:3-4 (NIV)   because you know that the testing of your faith develops  perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

 

Sunday Reflections

My thoughts:

 

Ø What an amazing day with 400 people in Church on such a horrible weather day.

 

Ø We have the greatest volunteers serving in our parking lot, they walked through the cold rain to keep everyone dry.

 

Ø Yes, I said that we will go down in history for changing the way we as a church and county think about money.

 

Ø Yes, I said that we should make sure all of our Washington representative can manage their own money before we send them to manage our tax dollars.

 

Ø The question was raised, “why not us?”  Why can’t we be the people God uses to spark a change in our country and in the way we handle money.  We have a proven method given in the Bible that has worked for every person who has put it into practice. 

 

Ø Thank God for influence he has given SCC in the community to give the people an opportunity for a better life.

 

Ø I do believe God is wanting to use his church to bring hope to the world, more than that I believe God wants each of us individually to give hope and help to all those around us.

 

Ø Question of the day “If not you then, who? and if not now when?” 

 

I will leave you with this: I believe it is our time as the people of God to stand up to help the people in our church and community in any way we can.  True life only happens when you feel you are contributing to make someone’s life better. 

 

Luke 18:27 (NIV)   Jesus said, “What is impossible with men is possible with God.”

 

 

Change = The Church

Today history will be made.  We will inaugurate the first African American president.  I may not agree with President Obama, but I can’t help but to be excited for him and his family.  This is an exciting day for our country as we watch history be made in front of our eyes.  There will be parties in the streets of Washington D.C. and all over the country in this great celebration.  People will put aside all of their political difference and show respect to the highest office in the land and a newly elected president will take office.  Then, Wednesday will come and the celebration will end and people will go back to business as usual.  But, many will be waiting for the change that President Obama promised during his campaign speeches.  Many people believe that the president can make the change our country needs over night if we have the right person in office. 

 

My friend, some people will be disappointed because they have placed all their hopes in a man, who I believe really wants to make change, but we’re in a government where things are not easy to change for anyone….. that is politics.

 

When God wanted to bring change to the world he didn’t just send his Son.  He established a group of people of faith in His Son and His Word.  That group is called, “the church.”  The church is God’s chosen instrument to bring change, not a government.  When the church is united in purpose, there is nothing it can’t accomplish.  It is not empowered by voters or influenced by big donors.  No, it is powered by God’s Spirit and His Spirit is seen in His people when love is expressed and kindness shown to all people.  The Church is a group of people who can take action in a moment’s notice.  All it takes is one person’s heart to be moved.  The act of God happens when the church sees a need and acts on that need for the glory of God.  The best gamble on change is the church.  It is where God’s grace is administered.  Remember, God’s grace is His ability to do what we can’t.  In the Bible, Peter said this about the church and God’s grace.

 

1 Peter 4:10 (NIV)   Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.

 

 

unchanging = jesus

 

Yesterday I was sitting in a meeting with my staff at Stockbridge Community Church and we stopped our meeting to watch the inauguration of President Obama.  While we were sitting there waiting for President elect Obama to be sworn in, our Fellowship Pastor, Ricky Mosel made a statement that inspired a thought that I want to share with you.

 

He said in the next five years the world is going to change faster and faster.  He felt things will be totally different because of the rate of speed that times are evolving.  When he said that I just automatically responded with this statement, “When things are changing this fast it makes the unchangeable more desirable.”  I believe that to be very true and that is what makes being a Christian so desirable.  We serve an unchanging God.  In the middle of a world that is changing by the minute, the human heart cry’s out for something stable.

 

It is amazing to me that real change comes by taking hold of what doesn’t change.  People change, the world changes; times change, but God and His Word never change. 

 

I can tell you the unchanging Word of God will keep me in changing times. 

 

Jesus said it this way Matthew 16:18 (KJV)  … upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

 

That is why I say it is our time as church to step up and lead.  The people around us are looking for something that is unchanging in this world which is ever-changing.   We have got it, Jesus Christ.   He is the same yesterday today and forever.  

 

God Confidence

I would like to share a word with you…. “confidence.”  Now, let me ask you a question. Do you have it?  I can say that it depends on the moment, not just the day or week with me.  Situations arise in my life and I feel so out of control.  How can I be confident?  I think I am learning the secret to confidence. It’s not about me or what I can do.  When we become Christians our whole life is spent becoming less confident in ourselves and more confident in God.

 

I don’t know if you have hit that wall yet or not, but you will if you haven’t.  You will have something happen in your life that you can do nothing about and it won’t go away over night.  There will be no humanly way possible to fix or change your situation.  It is at that point that you have to become “God confident.” 

 

The Bible says it this way in Hebrews 13:5-6 (NIV)   …God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?”

 

This verse tells me how to become God confident.  It says you say to yourself with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.”  That is what I am finding to be the most freeing internal response to the things and situations and people that stress me out.  Let me be very honest with you, you don’t become God confident over night. No, it is over a lifetime of practice that you get to the point that things don’t bother you because you just automatically believe God is going to work it out.  I am not there yet.

 

So, let me ask you what is it right now that has got you all worked up?  Got it in mind? Now practice with me out loud God confidence.  Say this, “Because the Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid of______________.”   Say it again and again until God confidence comes.  The more you say it the more you will start to believe it and that is what gives you peace in the storm.

 

 

Sunday Night Reflections

As I write this post it is Sunday night and my mind is going one hundred miles an hour and I am trying to let it all soak in.  So much has happened today.  Here are a few things that I am thinking about:

 

 ØGod answered a specific prayer that I had been praying this week for someone.  I say praise God, He is alive

 

 

 

ØAnother thing I am thinking about is the message, that is still  in my heart and I don’t know if it came out the way God put it there.  I trust the Holy Spirit said to every heart what I could not get out of mine.

 

ØI am thinking about love. How much I love the people at SCC.  I really do love the people that I get the privilege to pastor.

 

ØI am still thinking about the statement that we said over and over again about giving.  “When I give people live.”  Today forty one people gave blood to the blood bank that serves Henry Medical Center.  The staff over at the Life South Bus shared with me for every donor, three people’s lives could be saved.  So, today SCC family literally gave life to 123 people.  The blood mobile ran out of bags because they said our church gave double the amount of blood that they would normally receive from a church our size.  That is because the people at SCC have a heart twice the size of most churches.  For that I am so thankful.

 

ØI am thing about how blessed I am to have the men who have worked with me on our finance team for the last five years and because of all the help they have given me we have finished 2008 in the black by $2,000.  Thank you Doug House, Andy Phillips, Allen Martin,  and Angie Benton.  I am so thankful to God for Angie Benton, Tani Keller and my wonderful wife, Rhonda.  They helped us this year get on the Dave Ramsey budget with our church budget.  Thank you ladies.

 

ØI am thinking about the funeral I will do tomorrow for Margaret Lively who is 33 years of old.  I watched this young lady grow up and have seen her ups and downs.  I watched her fight for her life several time and when doctor had counted her out she would fight through and God would bring her out.  She was something else.  She would crack you up with laughter or make you want to shut her up with some of her direct comments.  You had to love her because she knew how to say I sorry.  She is the only person I have ever baptized four times and she said the last time stuck.  I viewed her body tonight and was flooded with memories of almost 14 years of her life.   My eyes filled with tears as I said good bye and I will see you again.  I thank God that love doesn’t get buried in the grave but lives on in our hearts.

 

Don’t Do it Alone

Yesterday I got the privilege to do ministry with a friend.  I spoke at Margaret Lively’s funeral and drove 225 miles round trip to do her committal.  You know what the greatest thing about the whole day was… I didn’t do it alone.  Robert Frisone was with me all day. As we drove those few hundred miles he comforted me by just being there.  He was like a silent, but most important partner in the service to God and Margaret’s family.  I spoke at the funeral and I spoke at the graveside, but Robert stood as a support for me.  As people were drawing support from me, I was drawing support from him.  Usually after a long day like yesterday I find myself tired and drained emotionally and physically, but because he was there I was not drained at all. It may sound crazy but I enjoyed my day of service. God gave me someone to minister to me as I ministered to others. 

 

I guess I am saying don’t do anything for God by yourself if you can help it.  Always ask someone to join you.  As you are thinking about how you can serve in our community once a month or in ministry to our church, always think about who you can get to minister with you. 

 

Ecclesiastes. 4:9-10 (NIV)   

         Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

choices

I am a fan of John Maxwell who is a former pastor and teaches leadership now.  I just listened to one of his leadership lessons and here is a quote that he shared and I would like to share it with you.  “There is a choice you have to make in everything you do.  So keep in mind that in the end, the choice you make, makes you.”

 

I find that quote to be more true than I would like to admit.  Life is all about the choices we make and I think everyone gets that, but most people don’t get the last part of the quote.  The choices you make in the end make you.  We are all a product of our choices, yet we spend most of our time blaming other people for all of our poor choices.

 

You know what makes life complicated is so many choices.  Many choices mess you up. If you don’t believe me, go get an ice cream at Dairy Queen. It is a matter of dipped or not dipped or a blizzard.  I can make that choice, but you take me to Baskin and Robbins where there is 31 flavors and it is a hard decision. 

 

Life or death is in the power of choices.  My Dad taught me this before I ever knew anything about God.  He said it like this, “your mother may have brought you into this world but I can take you out if you do that again.  That put choice into perspective.  God said it this way:

 

Deut. 30:19 (NIV)   This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live

 

 

what happens when we die?

This week I will have attended two funerals, so you can understand I have had questions of many people about death.  Some are the silent questioners who just listen very closely as you talk with someone else who is brave enough to ask the question that they wanted to ask.  The question I got this week was one I think a lot of people have.  It was this:  “When we die do we go to heaven or do we go into a state of sleep?” 

 

Here is what the Bible says about that question and it is really clear in 2 Corinthians 5:8 (KJV)   We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

 

So when we leave the body we are present with the Lord.  In other words we go to heaven the moment we take our last breath here.

 

The next question is not as clear, it is this.  “When we die if our bodies stay here and we go to heaven what do we look like?”  We do know the Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 4:16-17 (NIV)   For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.

 

We know that our bodies that we have now will come back together and meet with our eternal spirit even if someone has been cremated and had their ashes spread all over the ocean.

 

What does our spirit look like without our bodies?  Here is a thought….. you will be viewed from the inside out.  The best way I can explain this to you is the example of hearing someone on the radio for long time. You get a picture of what they look like in your mind based solely on the spirit that they present over the airwaves.  Even though you have never seen them, you have a picture in your mind of what they look like based on their spirit or personality.  Have you ever seen someone after hearing them talk for weeks and when you see them, they looked nothing like you thought they would?  You saw them from the spirit they portrayed.  That is what will make heaven great. You will see everyone for who they really are, from the inside and the out.

 

Just a thought.

 

Sunday Reflections

   

Here are my thoughts after Sunday’s Services:

 

What a great drama team we have at Stockbridge Community Church called Center Stage drama team.  Diane Cardin is a great writer and director.  She rocks.

 

The sound and technical teams work so hard each week to make our service the best it can be.  A big thank you to Pam Salter who keeps our services flowing each week and make sure I have everything I need for the service.

 

What can I say about our band and praise team.  They lead me into worship every week and I am so thankful for them.  Rhonda and her team takes us into the presence of God so passionately.

 

Stockbridge Community Church is the most generous church.  Stacey Steen shared with me today that many people have brought clothes for a family in our community who house had burned last week. 

 

 I am still having the words, “respect and listen” go over in my mind as I think about the sermon.  I pray that Stockbridge Community Church will have the strongest marriages ever by our men listening to their wives and our ladies respecting their husbands by praising them.

 

Well, today I start the 40 day journey to be the best husband in the world to my wife by taking the love dare challenge.  It will be hard for me to be patient and only do what it says one day at a time. 

 

I know I get to pastor the best church in the world.

 

What a super bowl game!  It was great to watch with the guys and just talk football.

Love Dare Challenge #1

Well, yesterday I started the love dare challenge and little did I know I would be hit between the eyes on the first day.  The first day started with, “love is PATIENT.”  

 

It said, “love will inspire you to become a patient person.  When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation.  (That one got me) You are slow to anger.  You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper.  Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you.  Patience brings and internal calm during and external storm.

 

Patience is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, (NOTE TO SELF: IF COUNTING TO TEN DOESN’T WORK TRY A HUNDRED) and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.  Anger on the other hand is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief.  You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside.  It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.

 

Patience, however, makes us wise.  It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying.  Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment.” (OUCH)

 

After reading that, I understand why the Bible in explaining love, says love is patient first.

 

1 Cor. 13:4-8 (NIV)   Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

 

Bottom line is this:  Lack of patience in your home will produce a war zone.  The practice of patience will produce peace and quiet.   Patience is where love meets wisdom.

 

So I have work to do in this area BIG TIME!

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #2

I am writing this Tuesday night so I am on day two of the love dare challenge.  Yesterday’s dare to be patient is one that I am trying to apply in every situation.  I understand that patience shows up in how I react and today’s love dare is to be kind.  I like this one because it is doing something and not just controlling a bad habit of being impatient. 

 

In the love dare book they give some ways that kindness is displayed and I would like to share my version with you.

 

Gentleness.  This means I have to watch the tone of my voice when I am speaking and choose my words so I don’t say the first thing that comes to my mind.

 

Helpfulness.  I ask, “how can I help you?”  It may be house work or doing the dishes or setting the table.

 

Willingness.  I try to show this by saying, “whatever you think is ok with me.”

 

Initiative.  Quit keeping score on who makes the first move…. to greet, smile, say I love you, or offer a kiss.  It is seeing the need to make the first move and not pouting if your spouse doesn’t initiate first.

 

It is true kindness that draws us as couples together and it is what keeps us wanting to be together.  Love in its truest sense is not based on feelings.  Rather, love determines  showing thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward.  That “no reward” part for me is hard, but that is what keeps us from keeping score.  Maybe you have been there before.  Have you have ever said “I am always am the one who _______ first?”

 

I have to check my acts of kindness, how about you?   I enjoy hearing back from you.

 

Love Dare Challenge #3

Day three of the love dare was “Love is not selfish.”  This is something I didn’t think I had a problem with until I read the truest statement I have ever read or heard.  “Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. (Here it comes)  It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves.” (That got me).

 

I can be the best at playing attorney to get my way with my wife.  In the past I would make whatever I wanted to do sound like it would be immoral if she didn’t let me do it.  I hate to admit that.  So, selfishness is not just what I do in spite of what she thinks. It is also trying to manipulate her to get what I want.

 

This was another statement out of the love dare book that was too close to home.  “One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward.”  If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife, you are still being selfish.”  (Oh my Goodness)

 

That could mean that every time we say, “Look at what all I do or have done for you” – that is selfishness.  I guess to sum up selfishness is to say that any time we say something or give something in order to get something, we are being very selfish.  That is hard for me because when I do something for my wife or anyone else I at least expect them to show appreciation, maybe even great appreciation.  (Like jumping up and down)

 

Boy this love dare is making me take a look at every motive…. even how I pray.  I wrote out my prayer today and after I finished I thought about how maybe I was being selfish in my requests to God.  So, I went back and counted how many times I had written the words “I” or “me” in that prayer.  And only on one side of the piece of notebook paper,  I am ashamed to tell you,  I wrote those words 38 times.  This unselfish person may not be as unselfish at he thought.

 

We can all do something unselfish this Sunday @ SCC by bringing a tube of toothpaste to church, so it can be given to help someone we will never meet and not expect anything in return through Helping in His Name Food Bank.  You can drop it off in the baskets in the lobby.

 

Philip. 2:3 (NIV)   Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

 

Love Dare Challenge #4

 

Love dare number 4 is, “love is thoughtful.”  Listen to this, “love thinks, it’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.  It keeps busy in thought (Read this next line out loud) knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.”

 

When a couple first meet they are so thoughtful and it comes really naturally.  But, after marriage we stop trying to convince our husband or wife we are the one for them, and that happens naturally as well.  Rhonda and I have to plan times that make us more thoughtful of each other.  Like date night or an over night trip with just the two of us.

 

Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.  But, the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips.  Love thinks before speaking.  It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.  (Did you get that? Engage mind before mouth) I need that.

 

Great relationships come from great thinking.  Have you spent time thinking how you can be nice to your spouse?  The first step I am learning is letting my words be filtered through kindness.

 

1 Peter 3:10 (NIV)   For, Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.

 

Love Dare Challenge #5

Love dare number 5, “Love is not rude.”  Here is the definition of being rude:  To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating.  In marriage, this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic wisecracks.  I never thought of myself as being rude.  That’s a habit that I have worked on for years and thought that I had gotten a hold on that.  Then after reading this definition of rude I realized I was very rude.  I had a habit of doing things out in public that I thought were funny, but embarrassed Rhonda.  Like singing very loud in public places or pulling up to drive through windows and asking can I borrow a dollar.  What I thought was funny, I realized was rude.  I never thought of it that way, I always thought she needed to lighten up because that’s just who I am.  Well, after years of her telling me I was embarrassing her, I quit but I never thought of it as being rude.

 

The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.  There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness.  I would say I was rude out of ignorance. I really thought that Rhonda needed to lighten up and if she did, she would enjoy the moment like me.  (LADIES AND GENTELMEN GET THIS: IF YOUR SPOUSE SAYS THEY DO NOT LIKE WHAT YOU ARE DOING THEY MEAN IT, SO STOP DOING IT!  IF YOU DON’T YOUR BEING RUDE)

 

Three things to practice to keep you from being rude:

 

1.  Guard the Golden Rule.  Treat your mate the same  
      way you want to be treated.

 

2.  No double standards.  Be as considerate to your
     spouse as you are to strangers and coworkers.

 

3.  Honor requests.  Consider what your husband or    
     wife already asked you to do or not to do.  If in
     doubt, then ask.

 

“Here is a simple rule of thumb for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you; then grab the initiative and do it for them! Luke 6:31 (Msg)

Love Dare Challenge #6

Love dare number 6 is, “Love is not irritable.”  Love is hard to offend and quick to forgive.  To be irritable means “to be near the point of a knife.”  People who are irritable are locked, loaded, and ready to overreact.  Boy, have I been there, willing to fight at a drop of a hat and I would gladly drop the hat.  I can tell you from experience that’s no way to live.

 

One of the lessons I have had to learn is to have what I call emotional self-control.  I have always been a person who was very self- disciplined in every area of my life except in the area of my emotions.

 

If you are walking under the influence of love, you will be a joy, not a jerk.  Ask yourself, “Am I a calming breeze, or a storm waiting to happen?”   I think pride and fear lead to irritability.

 

Pride leads you to act harshly in order to protect your ego and reputation.   I think this is the solution to irritability:

 

 ***Love eliminates fear.  When you start to excel at loving, you stop fearing people. And when you have no fear of people, you stop competing with them, you stop trying to get them to notice you and you stop depending on them to make you feel good.

 

Proverbs 16:32 (Living)   It is better to be slow-tempered than famous; it is better to have self-control than to control an army.

 

Love Dare Challenge # 7

Love dare number 7 is “Love believes the best.”  This all happens in our thinking.  What you dwell on will determine how you feel about a person.  If you want any relationship to get better, you have to think positively about that person.  This doesn’t mean you don’t have moment where you have to address things with them, that‘s just part of growing in a relationship.  One of the problems I have had to ask God to help me with is not to dwell on what I don’t like in people, especially my family.  When I dwell on the negative I either try to change them myself or nag about the change I think they should make.  I can tell neither of those options work.  My feelings change about others when I quit focusing on the negative, which most of the time is little things any way.  The old saying about making a mountain out of a mole hill has been true with me more than I would like to admit.  So, here is the bottom line.  You must develop the habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate.  This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse.  It is a decision that you should make, whether they deserve it or not.

 

I Corinthians 13:7  Love believes all things, hopes all things…

 

 

Love Dare Challenge # 8

Love dare number 8 is, “Love is not jealous.”  I think to keep this in perspective we have to remember we are as husbands and wives to complete each other and not compete with each other.

 

When you were married, you were given the role of becoming your spouse’s biggest cheerleader and the captain of his or her fan club.  Because love is not selfish and puts others first, it refuses to let jealousy in.  It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them. 

 

My wife Rhonda is the most unselfish person I know.  For years she has stood on the side lines and watched me be complimented or given rewards and has never one time said, “what about me?”  No, she has always said I am proud of you too.  That is one of the things I love about her the most is that she is my biggest cheerleader.  I only pray that I can be more like her in this area.  Well, I got to go because I am going to remind Rhonda of what a wonderful job she did leading Stockbridge Community Church in worship Sunday.  What can you celebrate with your spouse today?

 

Love Dare Challenge # 9

Love dare number 9 is, “Love makes a good impression.”  When someone communicates that they are glad to see you, your personal sense of self-worth increases.  You feel more important and valued.  That’s because a good greeting sets the stage for positive and healthy interaction.  Like love, it puts wind in your sails.  I have found my greeting sort of sets the tone for the day or evening.  This is one that I really have never thought about that much.  The question that I will begin to ask myself is, “how can I bless the people in my life with a greeting?”  A greeting doesn’t have to be bold and dramatic every time, but adding warmth and enthusiasm gives you the chance to touch your mate’s heart in subtle, unspoken ways.  A loving greeting can bless your spouse through what they see, hear, and feel.  I don’t know about you but I will have to try to think about my greeting so I let the people around me, especially Rhonda, know I am excited to see them.

 

Remember, love is a choice.  So, we must choose to change our greeting to choose to love.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #10

Love dare number 10 is, “Love is unconditional.”  This is very hard for me to comprehend because every time I think about why I love Rhonda so much I think of all her qualities.  I will admit there are times that I just think about her, but there again it is how she has put up with me all these years and loves me in spite of me.  To be honest, I think I love Rhonda unconditionally, but I don’t think I would like her unconditionally.  That may not make any sense to you and it may sound horrible, but I think it is the most honest thing I can say.

 

Listen to this; it is right out of the love dare book.  “If a man says to his wife, I have fallen out of love with you, he is actually saying, I never loved you unconditionally to begin with.  His love was based on feelings or circumstances rather than commitment.  That’s the result of building a marriage on a friendship kind of love or sexual kind of love.  There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction.  Unconditional love, agape love, will not be swayed by time or circumstance.”

 

I think it is this kind of love that casts out fear of someone leaving or getting angry or cheating.  When fear is gone, love blooms and love and trust is what it takes to build intimacy. 

 

The truth is this: love is not determined by the one being loved, but rather by the one choosing to love.

 

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. 1 Cor. 13:7 (NLT)

 

Love Dare Challenge # 11

Love dare number 11 “Love Cherishes.”

 

Our culture says treat your spouse like a car, if you can’t fix it quickly, get rid of it and find another one.  God says the opposite. His word says love cherishes your spouse like you would cherish your own body.  You would never cut off your hand if it was injured, but would pay whatever you could afford for the best medical treatment possible.  That’s because your hand is priceless to you;  it is part of who you are.

 

The lives of a husband and wife are interwoven together.  Your spouse cannot experience joy or pain, blessing or cursing, without it also affecting you.  So when you attack your mate, it is like attacking your own body because you will feel the pain in some way. (That’s the truth)

 

It’s time to let love change your thinking.  It’s time for you to realize that your spouse is as much a part of you as your hand, your eye, or your heart.  She, too, needs to be loved and cherished.  And if she has issues causing pain or frustration, you should care for these with the same love and tenderness (That tenderness is what I have to work on) as you would your own bodily injury.

 

If he is wounded in some way, you should think of yourself as an instrument that helps bring healing to his life.  (How do you know when he is hurting? He is ill or sore.  It is like a splinter under the skin, you may not be able to see it on the surface, but it hurts)

 

Whey you look at your mate, you’re looking at part of you.  So treat her well.  Speak highly of him.  Nourish and cherish the love of your life.

 

Ephesians. 5:28-29 (NIV)   In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church–

Love Dare Challenge #12

 

Love dare number 12: “Love lets the other win.”  This is one that took me a long time to learn and I have to be honest, I have to still fight the urge to want to have the better idea.  I am a very competitive person and I don’t like loosing at anything.  I somehow have this way of thinking that loosing makes me look weak.  I have learned that is not true at all, especially when it comes to my marriage and family.  I think I felt in control when I would keep the argument going until I wore Rhonda down to wave the white flag.  But, little did I know how STUPID it was. 

 

I have learned that the more I listen, the more I understand other people’s perspectives.  You know what it is amazing is that we may have to think differently about the route we should take to get a desired result, but in the end we will get there.  If you are type A personality like me you think solution, not how to listen.

 

So, here is a lesson from the Jesus:

 

Philippians. 2:5 (NIV)   Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus:

His attitude was that he was willing to do what God wanted even though it meant he would have to go to the cross.

 

Here is what it means to be willing…… you bend a little.  Willingness is an attitude and spirit of cooperation that should permeate our conversations.  It’s like a palm tree by the ocean that endures the greatest winds because it knows how to gracefully bend.

 

It means laying down for the good of others what you have the right to claim for yourself.

 

James 3:17 (Living)   But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure and full of quiet gentleness. Then it is peace-loving and courteous. It allows discussion and is willing to yield to others; it is full of mercy and good deeds. It is wholehearted and straightforward and sincere.

 

 

 

Love Dare Challenge # 13

Love dare  number 13 is, “Love fights fair.”

 

Mark 3:25 (NIV)   If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

 

The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you’ll ever do to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict.  That’s because this is when your pride is strongest.  Your anger is hottest.  You’re the most selfish and judgmental.  Your words contain the most venom.  You make the worst decisions.  I have been there and you have been there.  So, let’s talk about some rules because we will be there again in the future.  The fact of the matter is it can be just a harmful to your marriage to hold things in as it can be to have a big argument. 

 

Married couples who learn to work through conflict tend to be closer, more trusting, more intimate, and enjoy a much deeper connection afterwards.

 

So, fight fair by setting up some rules.

 

Here are some of the “Jeff and Rhonda unspoken rules”

 

1.  We will never mention divorce.

2.  We will never fight in public or in front of our children

3.  We will never touch one another in a harmful way.

4.  Failure is not an option.  Whatever it takes, we will work this
     out.

 

Personal rules that are recommended in the love dare book:

 

1.  I will listen first before speaking.  (I have to work on this one
     big time)
    James 1:19 (NIV)   Everyone should be quick to listen, slow  
    to speak and slow to become angry,

 

2.  I will deal with my own issues up-front.
     Matthew 7:3 (NIV)   ”Why do you look at the speck of
     sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the 
     plank in your own eye?

 

3.  I will speak gently and keep my voice down.
     Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)   A gentle answer turns away wrath,  
     but a harsh word stirs up anger.

 

 words in italics from the Love Dare Book p. 62

Love Dare Challenge #14

Love dare number 14 is,  “Love takes delight.”

 

In your marriage relationship, you won’t always feel like loving.  It is unrealistic for your heart to constantly be thrilled at the thought of spending every moment with your spouse.  Nobody can maintain a burning desire for togetherness just on feeling alone. 

 

Delight comes from the decision to delight in your spouse and to love him or her no matter how long you’ve been married.  In other words, love that chooses to love is just as more powerful than love that feels like loving.  To delight in your spouse is to enjoy them again.  Take her hand and seek her companionship.  Desire his conversation.  Remember why you fell in love with her personality.  Accept this person, quirks and all, and welcome him or her back into your heart.

 

I think the greatest thing that helps me delight in Rhonda is laughing with her, flirting with her, and dreaming with her.  That’s why we have a planned date night.  I have learned it’s hard for a relationship to grow cold when you keep the embers of excitement stirred.  So go on and act 20 years old again and date and have fun and watch what will happen to your relationship.  It will be one you are glad you’re in, instead of one you want out of.

 

Live happily with the woman you love through the fleeting days of life, for the wife God gives you is your best reward down here for all your earthly toil. Eccles. 9:9 (Living)

 

words in italics from the Love Dare Book p. 67

Micky Mouse & Me

I have been on vacation down with Mickey Mouse in Orlando, Florida.  I didn’t have an internet connection at my camper which was surprising to me.  So, that’s why I didn’t have any posts last week.

 

I will be back on track with the Love Dare Challenge tomorrow.  But, I would like to tell you about what I learned on this vacation.   I learned to not  try and make special moments happen.  Let them come on their own.  I don’t know about you, but I always want special moments to happen with my kids.  So I, in my mind, start planning how I will do this or that and if I do everything just right everyone will have the best time and they will come up to me and say, “Dad thank you for being such a loving father or husband.”

 

I have tried that for years only to have come home disappointed or even mad.  Thinking things like, I have spent all this energy, time, and money to help everyone have a great time and not one of them appreciated what I did.  Ever been there? 

 

Well, this vacation I just flowed with what everyone else wanted to do and when they wanted to do it.  I didn’t even tell anyone all week, “we have to go” or “we are going to be late.”  I rode rides I didn’t like to ride over and over, after of course taking nausea meds, and praying to God I would not get sick.  I have realized I can’t create those special moments.  All I can do is try to create an environment for the special moments to happen.  This was one of the best vacations ever because I just chilled out.  I think this is what it takes to make a great marriage or home.  You can’t control the special moments, but you can control the environment.  Is your home environmentally friendly?   

 

Proverbs 15:31 (NLT)   If you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise.

 

Love Dare Challenge #15

Love dare number 15 is, “Love is honorable.”   To honor someone means to give them respect and high esteem, to treat them as being special and of great worth.  When you speak to them, you keep your language clean and understandable.  You are courteous and polite.  When they speak to you, you take them seriously.

 

Honor is a noble word; this is especially true in marriage.  Honoring your mate means giving him or her your full attention, not talking to them from behind a newspaper or with one eye on the television.  (This really bothers me when I am trying to talk to Rhonda and she will not stop what she is doing and just listen.  She says she is very talented in the fact that she can fold laundry and listen at the same time.) 

 

There’s another word that takes honor to a deeper level and that is holy.  Holiness means set apart for a higher purpose, no longer common or everyday but special and unique.  A person who has become holy to you has a place in your heart.  He or she is sacred to you, a person to be honored, praised, and defended.  (I feel honored when Rhonda praises me and I know she feels honored when I help her and defend her.)

 

When two people marry, each spouse becomes “holy” to each other by way of “holy matrimony.”  Your relationship is like no other.  You share physical intimacy with only her, only him.  You establish a home with this person.  You bear your children with this person.  Your heart, your possessions, your life itself is to be wrapped up in the uncommon bond you share with this one individual. 

 

When you realize that you and your spouse are holy, set apart for one another, you quit trying to replace your relationship with other relationships or things and you start to ask God to repair your holy marriage. 

 

1 Peter 3:7 (CEV)   If you are a husband, you should be thoughtful of your wife. Treat her with honor, because she isn’t as strong as you are, and she shares with you in the gift of life. Then nothing will stand in the way of your prayers.

 

Words in italics from the Love Dare Book, pp 71-72

LOVE DARE CHALLENGE #16

Love Dare number 16 is “Love Intercedes”   You cannot change your spouse… (Amen, Amen and Amen)  As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be.  But that’s what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do… changing their spouse.  Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.  But isn’t that what happens when you try to change your mate?  It’s frustration at the highest level.

 

I tried to change Rhonda for years and the results were, I pushed her away and I was very frustrated.  I had to learn that I could not change her, I could only change me and ask God to change her. 

 

You cannot restore your marriage alone.  You will need something that is more powerful than anything else you have and that is effective prayer.  Prayer really does work.  It’s a spiritual phenomenon created by an unlimited, powerful God.  God saved my marriage because when I prayed God revealed more about me and I was able to see little things that I had been praying for begin to happen.  Have you ever wondered why God gives you overwhelming insight into your spouse’s hidden faults?  Do you really think it’s for endless nagging? No, it is for effective kneeling.  No one knows better how to pray for your mate than you.  One of the most loving things you can ever do for your spouse is to pray for them.  SO PRAY, PRAY, PRAY!

 

Matthew 7:7 (NIV)   ”Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

 

Philip. 4:6-7 (Living)   ”Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don’t forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus.”

 

**Words in italics from the Love Dare book pages 76-77

LOVE DARE CHALLENGE #17

Love Dare number 17 is “Love promotes intimacy”

 

I have found that intimacy is something that only happens overtime.  It is revealing yourself to a person, warts and all.  Getting to a high level of intimacy comes in many different ways.  I think it comes through those times of wanting to look deep into your spouse’s eyes and telling them I love you.  It also comes through times of warring.  I mean when you have been fighting over whatever and you work through it instead of running out or throwing in the towel you build intimacy. Your relationship takes big steps forward after you have been through the fire of difficulty. 

 

The greatest enemy of intimacy is fear and distrust.  You can never have an intimate relationship with your spouse if you don’t trust them.  Building trust takes time.  I’m not really talking about the big things like trusting them when they are around the opposite sex or with money.  I mean trusting them with your feelings or the things about you that only they know. 

 

In 1 John 4: 18 it says perfect love cast out all fear.  I believe getting rid of fear is the greatest step toward intimacy.  When you are not afraid of your spouse in any way then when you talk to them you are not afraid they are going to make you feel stupid for saying something.  If you don’t do just what they think you should, you don’t fear retaliation in the bed room.  So, eliminating fear is the step you can take to build intimacy in your marriage. So ask yourself, “Is there anything that makes me fearful about my spouse?” if so talk about it.

 

**SCC family: please bring  diapers this Sunday, March 1st for “Helping In His Name Food Pantry” project.  Thank you!

LOVE DARE CHALLENGE #18

Love Dare Challenge Number 18 is “Love seeks to understand”:  It is amazing, when we are dating we are on our best behavior, we don’t want our potential spouse to see any of our faults.  We are also tuned in to what the person we are dating really likes.  Those words “tuned in” are what make us appreciate each other so much when we are dating.  But after marriage if we are not careful, (I was not careful) we will quit tuning in to our spouse and only be set on getting them to tune in to us.  It’s like having a radio stuck on one channel and not allowing your spouse the privilege of changing it.  When you get married you signed up to change your channel from what you like to find out to what your spouse likes.

 

It is like having an old radio that you had to change by turning the dial until you got rid of all the static.  So I can tell you, Rhonda and I have to keep working real hard to keep the static out of  our relationship.  Here are a few things we have found helpful to tune into each other.

 

►      Ask questions.  We have learned to ask each other what the other like or dislikes.  It will amaze you to find out the things your spouse really doesn’t like and the little things you do that they really do like.  If you don’t ask then you don’t know and if you don’t know you can’t tune in.

 

►      Listen.  That means I have to stop telling Rhonda what I think long enough to listen to what she thinks.  That’s a nice way of saying shutup and listen, in that order.

 

►      Ask God for wisdom.  Let God be the filter between your thoughts and what you say or do.  Ask God how will what you are about to say or do effect your spouse.  It’s always better to have the conversation with God before you have it with your spouse.  I have found out that God is totally tuned in to Rhonda’s needs, he knows what will offend and will bless her and believe it or not after 21 years I still have to ask for his help.  How about you?

 

**Words in italics from the book “The Love Dare Challenge” by Stephen & Alex Kendrick

Love Dare Challenge #19

Love dare number 19 is “Love is impossible.”  Love has to have a source and it is not found in will power or connection between to people.  We have found in our journey that love is much more than a feeling, it’s a choice.  There is no love without choice!  We have to choose to love others and they have to choose to love us.  That choice is easy when your spouse is doing everything you like, but love gets tested when they don’t.  That is why love that is based on feelings will fail.  So we have to have a source of love that goes deeper than our feelings and without God that kind of love is impossible.

 

That’s why if you’re not right with God, you can’t truly love your spouse because He is the source of that love.  You can’t give what you don’t have.  You can’t call up inner reserves and resources that aren’t there to be summoned.  In the same way that you can’t give away a million dollars if you don’t have it to start with, you cannot pay out love in greater measure than you own.  You can try, but you will fail.  So the hard news is this: love that is able to withstand every pressure is out of your reach, as long as you’re only looking within yourself to find it.  You need someone who can give you that kind of love.

 

1 John 4:7 (NIV)   Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

 

Here is the bottom line:  The closer to God you are the more love you will have.  If you don’t have a relationship with God, you can, just ask.  Pray this, God I ask you to forgive me for not being willing to live my life your way and I know that is called sin.  Come into my heart & by your spirit live in me and lead me to be the person you desire me to be.

Love Dare Challenge #20

Love dare number 20 is, “Love is Jesus Christ.”

 

We only see God’s love when we look at His son Jesus.  That is why God sent him to earth.  It was so that you and I could see how much God loves us.   Yes it is through Jesus that we see the greatest demonstration of love. 

 

John 3:16 (NIV)   “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

              

1 John 4:9 (NIV)   This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.

 

Most of us only acknowledge our need for a savior only after coming to the end of ourselves.  I don’t know what that means for you, but for me it means having problems I can’t solve or relationships I can’t fix.  It is when I get to the end of me that I find God standing waiting for me to give it all to him.  When I do this I find that my relationship begins to grow with God because I start to trust him with the things I can’t fix.  I have to be honest with you, that all sounds great for a children’s Sunday school lesson, but for an adult that doesn’t sound logical.  If you feel that way, you’re not alone. I and million of others feel it too.

 

Here is what I would like to challenge you to do. 

 

• Ask God to forgive you of your sins and come in to your life.
• Try asking God to help you with your problem every time it comes to your mind.
• Write down your prayer and changes in your situation.  The changes could be the result of God working.

 

Just to let you know this will work, I had a man show me his canceled divorce papers after many days of prayer just two weeks ago.

Love Dare Challenge #21

Love dare number 21 “Love is satisfied in God.”

 

Psalm 37:4 (NIV)   Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

We all have a hole in our heart that nothing can fill but God.  Your spouse can’t fulfill all your needs because they are humans like you.  There is a story in the Bible in John 4. Jesus meet a woman who had tried getting her needs met through a string of failed relationships.  She was coming to a Samaritan well with both her life and water bucket empty, she had come to this place broken and hardened yet still desperately in need.  But in Christ she found what He called “living water” a supply that wasn’t just for quenching temporary thirst.  What He offered her was a drink of soul satisfaction that never quits giving a refreshing.  And that is what’s available to you each morning at sunrise and each night before bed, no matter who your spouse is or what they’ve done to you.  God is your everyday supply.  Of everything you need.

 

Learning to trust God with our daily need and our relationships is the only hope we have for peace in this world.  So give trusting God a try!

 

Love Dare Challenge #22

Love dare number 22 “Love is faithful.”

 

I think most of us hear the word faithful when someone is referring to marriage and we think that means they have not committed adultery.  But that is not what faithfulness means.  God shows us what faithfulness means in Romans 5:8 (NIV)   God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

 

To me faithfulness means loving someone when they are not giving it back at all or in the same effort you are giving love.  For most of us who don’t feel love back when we offer, feel rejection.  The feeling of rejection is a powerful emotion to overcome when you have done everything you know to say and do to make your spouse feel loved.  It is at that point that we must love deeper through faithfulness.  I don’t like it and you don’t like it but the greatest expression of love that we can ever give some is to love them when they are not showing love to us.  That is the love of God expressed through faithfulness.

 

I know some of you are having to show love right now by being faithful while God is working in your loved ones life.  Don’t give up being faithful to love and pray for them.

 

Remember this 1 Corinthians 10:13 (Msg)   No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #23

Love dare number 23 “Love always protects.”

 

I must tell you this aspect of love has changed in my mind.  I used to think that I was protecting my wife and family if I didn’t let anything physically happen to them.  I have found that is the easiest part of providing protection.  Loving protection protects from harmful influences like the internet, television and schedules that keep you separated from each other for unhealthy amounts of time. 

 

Love protects from unhealthy relationships.  If anyone is undermining your marriage by speaking negatively about your spouse often, they do not deserve the title “friend.”

 

Love protects the secrets of your spouse.  There is nothing more shameful to your spouse than to find out you told someone something they shared with you in confidence.  (This means keeping your marital sex life personal, unless you are talking to a counselor.)  The only time that you should share secrets of your spouse is when they involve destructive behaviors that are putting you, your children, or themselves in grave danger.  Love that protects wants to bring fame to your spouse, not shame.  I want everyone in the world to think that I am married to the best person in the world, because I am.  Rhonda is human like all of us and has weaknesses like all of us on this earth.  But I will not ever, ever, ever run her down to my children or my parents or anyone else. 

 

Ladies, build your husband up every chance you get publicly.  If you start bragging in public about your husband, you will stop nagging in private.  Be your husband’s cheerleader.

 

Men, listen to her and protect her feelings.  Let her know that no one else may care about the little things she cares about, but you do.  Don’t let anyone threaten your wife or marriage.

 

1 Corinthians 13:6-8 (NIV)   Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

 

Love Dare Challenge #24

Love dare number 24 “Love versus Lust”

 

What is this thing called lust?  Lust in very simple terms is, desiring something that God’s word says is wrong.  If it is consumed, it can bring damage to your life physically by disease, financially by debt, spiritually by putting a barrier between you and God.

 

Lust is getting your eye on something that is not right according to God’s word, which is the only moral standard in the world. Once you start focusing on something that is wrong, it will consume you until you get it. That is when we would say it has “gone from your eye to your heart.” Once it gets to that point, it moves very quickly to action.  That is when you act on what you have allowed in your heart.  At this point, you are not thinking correctly and you are not listening to anyone who is trying give you advice about your lustful desires. The next phase of lust that follows action is shame and regret.

 

So we can see Lust is in opposition to love.  It means to set your heart and passions on something forbidden.  And for a believer, it’s the first step out of fellowship with God and with others.  That’s because every object of your lust-whether it’s a young coworker or a film actress, or coveting after a half-million dollar house, or a sports car-represents the beginnings of a lie.  The problem keeps coming when we try to meet legitimate needs in illegitimate ways.

 

By the way,  we all have this battle just in different areas.

 

Lust always breeds more lust.  James 4:1 (NIV)   What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your (lustful) desires that battle within you?

 

The only way to fight the lustful desires that are in all of us is to focus on God and keep asking the question, “is this what God would want me to do or have?”  Another simple way would be to remember the initials WWJD. It stands for (What Would Jesus Do.)

 

I never met anyone who has lived by that philosophy and now they’re living in regret or shame.  It always seems they are living in peace and joy.  You get to choose which philosophy you will live by, Lust or Love. Choose love.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge # 25

Love dare number 25 “Love forgives”

 

In the book, The Love Dare, the author gives one of the best descriptions of forgiveness I have ever read.  So what I am about to share with you is right out to of the book.

 

Imagine you find yourself in a prison-like setting.  As you look around, you see a number of cells visible from where you’re standing.  You see people from your past incarcerated there-people who wounded you as a child.  You see people you once called friends but who wronged you at some point in life.  You might see one or both of your parents there, perhaps a brother or sister or some other family member.  Even your spouse is locked in nearby, trapped with all the others in this jail of your own making.

 

This prison, you see is a room in you own heart.  This dark drafty, depressing chamber exists inside you every day.  But not far away, Jesus is standing there, extending to you a key that will release every inmate.  They hurt you to badly.  So you resist and turn away. You’re unwilling to stay here any longer-seeing Jesus, seeing the key in His hand, knowing what He’s asking you to do.  It’s just too much.

 

There is no way out.  You’re trapped inside with all the other captives.  Your unforgiveness, anger and bitterness have made a prisoner of you as well.  You have chosen not to forgive and have been handed over to the jailers and torturers. Your freedom is now dependent on your forgiveness.

 

Forgiveness doesn’t absolve anyone of blame.  It doesn’t clear their record with God.  It just clears you of having to worry about how to punish them.  When you forgive another person, you’re not turning them loose.  You’re just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them His way.  You’re saving yourself the trouble of scripting any more arguments or trying to prevail in the situation.  It’s not about winning and losing anymore.  It’s about freedom. It’s about letting go.

 

Romans 12:19 (NIV)   Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

 

Love Dare Challenge #26

Love dare number 26 “Love is Responsible.”

 

Today is about personal responsibility.  It is being responsible for your own actions and admitting that you have faults.  We are so quick to justify our motives.  We are so quick to deflect criticism.  So quick to find fault-especially with our spouse, who is always the easiest one to blame.

 

I remember this being so true in the first ten years of my marriage.  I would blame everything that didn’t go right on my wife, Rhonda.  Maybe I would not come right out and say, “This is your fault,” but my attitude and actions said it.  Boy I can remember really thinking our marriage would be so much better if she would….  Our marriage only began to grow when I realized it was me that needed to change.  It was amazing how I would look to the faults of Rhonda, to justify my own. 

 

This is what I have learned.  To be responsible, I must look to the needs of Rhonda and ask how can I help meet her needs?  I was always looking for her to meet mine.  I have found there are a few phrases that I have to use around my house to show responsibility.  One is the phrase, “I am sorry, I was wrong.”  That’s the difference now in my growing marriage than in my failing marriage and I would never admit I was wrong and that was being irresponsible.  The other phrase that has helped me become a more responsible husband is, “How can I help you?”  I ask this question often, when she is fixing dinner, or cleaning house or doing something for the kids. 

 

I have found that my wife feels loved by me when I want to be around her and when I show interest in the things she is interested in.  I want Rhonda to feel loved by me and I never want her to feel like she is failing as a wife or mother.  That’s being responsible and not childish when I am more concerned about making my spouse feel like a winner, than I am making me feel like one.

 

Matthew 7:12 (NIV)   So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

 

Love Dare Challenge #27

Love dare number 27 “Love Encourages”

 

The one thing that I think all of us are guilty of in marriage is having unrealistic expectations.  We sometimes think the person we are marrying will make us happy and fulfill our hopes.  There is no one who can complete you except God.  High expectations are the enemy of relationships.  I have made this mistake not only with my wife but also with my children.  When we set the relationship bar so high with expectations, it makes your spouse, child or friend feel that they can never please you.  This is without a doubt one of the most frustrating places to be, no matter which side of the relationship you are on. 

 

So, here is the solution.  You must replace expectations with encouragement.  I had to learn this lesson the hard way.  If you are naturally an achiever, it is very easy to put the same demands on those around you that you put on yourself. And when you do, you become a nag.  One of the first things I had to do was to give myself a break.  I have found when I lighten up on myself, I automatically lighten up on others.  The second and most powerful thing I have learned to do is to encourage others in the things they are good at.  You have to be careful when you start doing this because they will read your encouragement as another way to put pressure on them.  So make sure your encouragement is pure and not manipulative.  This change from being a person who set high expectations for others, to just being their greatest encourager, takes a decision to do so every day.  I encourage you to make that decision today.

 

1 Thes. 5:11 (NIV)   Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

 

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #28

Love dare number 28 “Love makes sacrifices”

 

I find in order for love to keep growing in my marriage I have to continually make an effort to be tuned in to Rhonda’s needs.  She is a very low maintenance person, I am very high maintenance.  She never comes right out and says today I need you to do so and so or this is what I need from you.  So, I have to quit thinking of what I need and start asking, “Is everything alright?” or “Can I help you in any way?”  When we quit thinking of what our spouse should be doing for us and ask what can I do for them, it solves a lot of problems.  I have said this before and will say it again, it took me 12 years to learn this marriage principle (If you are struggling stop for one day and ask yourself, “Is my spouse stressed about work, or a parent, or our marriage?”)  If the problem is not obvious to you, then ask how things are going with them from the perspective of concern, not out of sarcasm.

 

Here are some tips from the love dare book on how to pay attention to your spouses needs by asking yourself these questions.

 

            Is he “hungry” – needing you sexually, even when you  
            don’t feel like it?

           

            Is she “thirsty” – craving the time and attention you 
            seem able to give everyone else?                

                                     

            Does he feel like a “stranger: – insecure in his work,
            needing home to a refuge and sanctuary?

 

 Is she “naked” – frightened or ashamed, desperate for the warm covering of your loving affirmation?

 

 Is he feeling “sick” – physically tired and needing you to help guard him from interruptions?

 

 Does she feel in “prison” – fearful and depressed,   needing some safety and intervention?

 

Love is willing to make sacrifices to see that the needs of your spouse are, given your very best effort and focus.  When your mate is overwhelmed and under the gun, love calls you to set aside what seems so essential in your own life to help, even if it’s merely the gift of a listening ear.

 

1 Cor. 13:5 (NIV)   It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

 

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #29

Love dare number 29 “Love’s motivation”

 

What is it that motivates you to love your spouse?  I can tell you if it is how they make you feel when they do certain things, your motivation will be lost very quickly.  You will start saying things like, “when they start doing this or that to show love, then I will start do this or that to show love.”  There is a word for that kind of shallow love.  It is called “TRADING.”  That will kill our relationships because one person in the relationship will always have of a list of what they have done to earn affection the way they want it. 

 

So, love’s motivation cannot be trading, it has to be God.  I am responsible to God as to how I treat my wife and give her love, even when I have felt she didn’t deserve it.  If you have not gotten there in your relationship you will.  At that point, I have had to learn to love through God.  In other words, he became my motivation to love Rhonda when I don’t feel it or I felt she was not making the effort to express love to me as I was to her.  I am sure she has felt the same way about me many times.  I am the pain in the butt in our relationship.  Love’s motivation has to be God.  The Bible says whatever you do, this includes how you treat your spouse, do it as you are doing it for the Lord.

 

Col. 3:23-24 (NIV)   Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #30

Love dare number 30 “Love brings unity”

 

God is love and He shows us unity through the trinity.  The Father, Son and Holy Spirit, they are three but yet one in purpose and power.  This is the greatest example of unity.  Marriage is designed to be a symbol of unity.

 

Genesis 2:24 (NIV)   For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

 

The only way that a marriage is productive is when the two individuals work to become one flesh.  When a husband and wife embrace that they are to be one in purpose and one in power in the relationship, it produces unity and love grows in unity.  God shows us that when he created how we reproduce.  In order for us to have children, we have to come together in unity, in a moment of love expressed sexually. The two become one and in the moment of the greatest expression of unity, love is reproduced in the form of a child.

 

The Bible says in Epheshians 4:3 (NIV)   Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

 

Peace comes when both husband and wife deny their selfish desires and look to the needs of their spouse and ask, “How can I meet them?”  I know for Rhonda and I, it takes constant communication.  It also takes having fun together.  I love to make her laugh.  When we are having fun together, unity is flowing and love is growing.  Let me say, these fun times don’t just happen, we have to plan them. 

 

Men, when you take to time to plan a fun time, which we used to call “dates” with your wife.  This will do amazing things for your sex life.  So, let that motivate you to plan fun times together at least once a week.  Remember, this fun time outside the house means fun times inside the house.  Unity!

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #31

Love dare number 31 “Love and Marriage” 

 

Genesis 2:24 (NIV)   For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

 

This love dare is one that is over looked in many relationships.  Leaving father and mother means more than just moving out of their home.  It means breaking the natural tendency to ask them for advice before you consult with your spouse.  This is a big problem in our society.  Ladies, remember your husband’s number one need from you is praise and he does not want to have to compete with anyone when it comes to your praise, not even your father or mother.  If you are always talking to mom or dad it will destroy your relationship.  Men, remember she does not want to compete with your mom when it comes to conversation or affection.  I remember in the early years of my marriage of feeling like I could not measure up to being the man that Rhonda’s dad was.  He was a very nice guy by nature and very nurturing.  So when I realized I could never be him, I resented Rhonda wanting to be around her parents.  That all changed when Rhonda begin to praise me as the person she loves and respects.  I never want to try to take her dad’s place I just wanted to be first place in her life.  Now, many years have passed and I now know my place and am very secure in her love.

 

If you are reading this and you spend a lot of time on the phone with your parents, or you are at their house a lot,  you may be driving a wedge unintentionally between you and your spouse. 

 

Ladies, let him know he is number one by praise!

Men, let her know she is number one by talking with her and spending time with her!

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #32

Love dare number 32 “Love meets sexual needs”

 

Today I will be sharing with you right out of the love dare book.  I think what the author has to say about this matter is very good.  I will only share an excerpt, so I encourage you to buy the book and read the entire love dare for yourself.

 

Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not to do it with.  In reality, however, the Bible has a great deal to say about sex and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife.  Even its boundaries and restrictions are Gods ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.

 

It’s true that sex is only on e aspect of marriage.  But as time goes by, one of you will likely value its importance more highly than the other.  As a result of this, the nature of your oneness as man and wife will feel threatened and endangered.  Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip.  It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence.  Though there can certainly be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is on of giving ourselves to each other to meet the others needs.

 

You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse’s sexual needs.  If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, if you allow staleness to set in, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse.  If your let your mate know by words, actions, or inactions that sex needn’t be any more than you want it to be, you rob from them as sense of honor and endearment that has been set in place by biblical mandate.  You violate the “one flesh” unity of marriage.

 

If I could tell every couple one thing in this area it would be to talk about sex with your spouse.  If you don’t resentment will build up and destroy intimacy.  Don’t argue about it, talk about it and that means you listen to what your spouse has to say about your sex life.  If after trying to talk to your spouse about your sex life and you feel you are not getting anywhere, go as a couple and talk to a counselor.  One hour of what you think will be embarrassment is worth a life time of peace and unity in your home.  You may only need to make one visit or two.  You may need someone just to help you see what the real problem is and it usually is never sex.

 

1 Cor. 7:4-5 (NIV)   The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #33

 

Love dare number 33 “Love completes each other”

 

When God created male and female he made us in a way that we would be dependent on each other.  Hollywood promotes the only reason you need someone of the opposite sex is for sex.  There nothing farther from the truth.  When God said in Genesis 2:18 (NIV)    ”It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him,” he meant that He would make man a helper that is suitable for him.  As husband and wife, we are better together.  It is our oneness that produces children, and it takes team work to raise them.  Where one spouse is weak, the other is strong.  When one needs building up, the other is equipped to enhance and encourage.  We multiply one another’s joys and divide one another’s sorrows.

 

I can tell you that understanding this aspect of marriage is when you really start to thrive as a couple.  When you get it, that your spouse is different from you for a reason and it is not to make your life miserable, it is to complete you.  I have said this before and I will say it again.  Stop trying to change your spouse!  If they were like you they could not complete you. 

 

Here is the secret to move from competing to completing as a couple.  Develop the habit of asking your spouse this question in every situation possible.  “What do you think about ________?”   Love realizes that God has put you together on purpose.  And though your may wind up disagreeing with your spouse’s perspective, you should still give their views respect and strong consideration.  This honors God’s design for your relationship and guards the oneness He intends.

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)   Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #34

 

Love dare number 34 “Love Celebrates Godliness”

 

I think we celebrate many things that our spouse achieves or accomplishes.  Like when they get the promotion at work or receive public recognition for voluntary service at church or in the community.  Sometimes we miss celebrating what is most important and that is the effort they make to grow in godliness.   Ladies, when your husband leads your family in spiritual things you should make a BIG deal out of it.  Men, when you see your wife reading bible stories to your children at night, you should celebrate that.  When it comes to our spouse’s spiritual life we think it is a private matter between them and God and we shouldn’t say anything about.  That is not true because our relationship with God is personal, but it is not private. 

 

Let me encourage you to share what you are learning from God.  When you read the bible and something speaks to your heart, share it with your spouse.  When you hear something from a sermon that speaks to you, share it.  When you get to the point of comfortably sharing godly things with your spouse, the intimacy in your relationship is turned up tremendously.  If your spouse is not into God, then compliment the things that they do to show you they respect your commitment to God. 

 

When you catch your spouse doing something godly, compliment them.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #35

Love dare number 35 “Love is Accountable”

 

This is a very important tool to help you when the storms come into your marriage.  There is no such thing as a marriage that is storm free.  Most of the time, they pop up when you least expect it.  One of you say something that the other one doesn’t like and then you start defending yourself and try to point the blame back on the other person.  Does that sound familiar?  So, here is something that will help in those times when the storm has rolled in your marriage. 

 

Interlock your life in a network of other strong marriages.  This will radically increase your chance of surviving the fiercest of storms.  It is crucial that a husband and a wife pursue godly advice, healthy friendships, and experienced mentors.  Everyone needs wise godly counsel throughout life.  Wise people constantly seek it and gladly receive it.  Fools never ask for it and then ignore it when it’s given to them.  Some people make the mistake of only asking advise about marriage from a friend or coworker who are not godly and have been married four or five times.  Bad idea!!!!!!

 

We all have storms and it is not a matter of if one will come in your marriage.  It is a matter of when.  These are growing times in your marriage. 

 

The sequoia trees tower hundreds of feet in the air and can withstand intense environmental pressures.  Lightning can strike them, fierce winds can blow, and forest fires can rage around them.  But the sequoia endures, standing firm, only growing stronger through the trials.

 

One of the secrets to the strength of this giant tree is what goes on below the surface.  Unlike many trees, they reach out and interlock their roots with the sequoias around them.  Each becomes empowered and reinforced by the strength of the others. 

 

Don’t go it alone!  That is why I say small groups are so important.  So you don’t have to go it alone.

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #36

Love dare number 36 “Love is God’s word”

 

The Bible says in Psalm 119:105 (NIV)   Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.

 

I can’t tell you how true that is.  Every person is looking for what is true.  We hear a lot about finding true love.  When someone has done something wrong, we just want them to tell us the truth.  We want our employers to tell us the true.  We want our spouse to be truthful.  Let’s not forget about how we want our children tell us the truth.

 

Our human spirit desires truth, but our human nature runs from it.  All of us have ran from the truth from time to time and all of us have told a lie.  Why? Because sometimes we think the truth is going to harm us in some way.  That of course is not true.

 

The only way to know how to live the best life possible is to find the truth out about life and Jesus made how we do that very clear. 

 

John 8:31-32 (KJV)   Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself and every relationship you have is to read God’s Word because it is truth.  God’s Word is not just a book of wise sayings, it is alive.  It is the Spirit of God put into words.  You can’t see God, but we see the spirit of God by reading his word.

 

That same spirit that lives in you, if you are a follower of Christ, is the same spirit that inspired the Bible.  It will guide you in every situation.  It heals your heart and soul.  Let me encourage you to make the commitment to start reading daily, before you go to bed or when you first get up in the morning.   Make a commitment to read the New Testament this year.  Remember, you will be guided by something, why not let it be the truth?

 

Love Dare Challenge #37

 Love dare number 37 “Love agrees in prayer”

This love dare is simple but challenging.  It is praying together.  The Bible tell us that when we come together in prayer in the name of Jesus that the impossible becomes possible through God. 

Matthew 18:19 (NIV)   “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.

We must realize that when God gave you a husband or wife he gave you a prayer partner as well.  I know that when I am under a lot of pressure there is no one that I would rather have pray with me than my wife, Rhonda.  There is something about her deep concern and love that is felt in the deepest way when I hear her pray.  Many times we have come together to pray over family crisis and we have found strength and comfort in the prayers of each other.

I can tell you that if you want to connect at the deepest level as a couple learn to connect on the spiritual level.  Don’t be afraid to talk to your spouse about God.  Believe me most people are very interested in God these days. 

I will admit to you that Rhonda and I don’t have a set time that we pray together as a couple, but we do use our family meal time as a time of prayer with our family.  The Bible promise that when we keep our mind on God we will stay in a state of peace.  Prayer is the best way to keep your mind on God.  If that is true, and I believe that it is, and if we want to keep our marriage in a state of peace, we should keep it focused on God by learning to pray together.

This is something that I will try to make more of an effort with Rhonda instead of waiting on a crisis before we pray together as a couple.  I am going to ask her to pray with me before we go to bed at night or before I go to work in the mornings.  How about you?  I dare you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #38

Love dare number 38 “Love Fulfills Dreams.”

 

We see this kind of love expressed in God when he said this in Psalm 37:4 (NIV) Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

Here is the question that has to be answered before you can try to fulfill any of your spouse’s dreams, “what are their dreams?”  Their dreams for marriage and life can only be exposed through communication and being willing to listen.  I don’t know how you have asked that question in the past to your spouse, but I used to ask it at the wrong times.  When Rhonda and I were in an argument I would ask “WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!”  Of course the answer at that time would always be, “I don’t know.”  That described our married life for about eleven years.  I knew I was not living up to what she wanted from me, but I didn’t know what to do to give her what she wanted or needed.   When you are a person who measures everything by winning or losing, it creates anger because you feel you are always losing.  So, I would stay angry and she would live in fear that I was going to be angry.

 

But, all that changed when we started having calm talks about our expectations of marriage and what we needed from each other.  If you have the courage to have that kind of talk with your spouse, you will be surprised at what they need.  I had to learn how Rhonda received love.  Most couples think that their spouse receives love the way they do and if they don’t, something is very wrong with them.  But, that is simply not true!  There is a great book to help you with this matter it is called The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman.  Get it and read it together.  It will help you in fulfilling your spouse’s dreams.  Go to www.fivelovelanguages.com to find out your love language in 30 seconds!

 

Here are some other things you can do because you love your spouse and will help you fulfill their dreams.

 

•        Listen to what your mate is saying and hoping for.
•        Remember the things that are unique to your relationship, the pleasures and enjoyments that bring a smile to the other’s face.
•        Give when it would be a lot more convenient to wait.
•        Daydream about these opportunities so regularly that their desires become yours as well.
•        Think in terms of overwhelming your spouse with love.
•        Surprise them by exceeding all their expectations with your kindness

 

 

Love Dare Challenge #39

Love dare number 39 “Love Endures.”

 

This means love does not give up.  You never stop loving your spouse even when they say they don’t love you.  This goes back to love is not a feeling.  When someone tells you that after you have opened up your heart to them, it hurts.  If we are not careful to base our love on commitment and not feelings this can be a fatal blow.  I don’t know about you, but I have said things that I wish I had not said in times of arguing.  That is why it is important to have an agreement before you argue that some words are off limits. 

 

What do you do when your spouse is not responding to you or even somewhat removed from you emotionally?  Well, the first thing you do is try to get them to talk to you about what is going on and if that doesn’t work, you try to get them to go with you to talk to a pastor or counselor.  If that doesn’t work you stop trying to get them to do anything and you start spending all your effort in prayer.  I am not kidding, pray.  Pray for your marriage every time you think about it.  Get you a note book and get by yourself once or twice a day and write out your prayer and read it out loud from you heart.  Only God can do what you can’t.  Most people give up when they get to the end of themselves and never really turn their marriage over to God.  So, when they can’t fix it or make it better, they start shutting down and prepare themselves for divorce. 

 

The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:8 (NIV)   Love never fails.  That is true because God is love and real love only happens when God is depended on to make it happen.  We must remember that love is always a choice and we can’t make our spouse make the choice that we want them to.  We have to make the choice in that moment to quit trying and start trusting God.  That is where real, enduring love is found.

 

Love Dare Challenge #40

Love dare number 40 “Love is a covenant.”

 

Entering into a covenant with your spouse is different from a contract.  In the Love Dare book the author does a great job explaining the difference.  Here what he says, “There are many differences between covenants and contracts.  A contract is usually a written agreement based on distrust, outlining the conditions and consequences if broken.  A covenant is a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring someone that your promise is unconditional and good for life.  It is spoken before God out of love for another.  A contract is self-serving and comes with limited liability.  It establishes a time frame for certain deliverables to be met and accomplished.  A covenant is for the benefit of others and comes with unlimited responsibility.  It has no expiration date.  It is till death do us part.  A contract can be broken with mutual consent.  A covenant is intended to be unbreakable.”

 

Our world has a distorted view of marriage agreements.  We have somehow embraced the contract attitude and when you do that it is all based on keeping rules and score.  A covenant attitude, which is God’s way and original design, is based on trust and acceptance.  A covenant says I love you warts and all and I trust that you will never intentionally hurt me and because I believe that about you I want to spend the rest of my life with you.  That attitude brings peace to every marriage.  Will you commit to living in covenant with your spouse the rest of your life?

 

This what Easter is all about, God making a covenant with us warts and all.   Maybe you are trying to treat your relationship with God like it is a contract by saying things like, “I will serve you God the rest of my life if you help my financial problem or whatever.”  That is a contract attitude of distrust and rules and keeping score.  God only enters into covenant relationships of a verbal commitment and that are based on love.

 

If you have not entered that kind of relationship, I invite you to do so today?  Here’s how you do it.

 

Romans 10:9-10 (Living)   For if you tell others with your own mouth that Jesus Christ is your Lord and believe in your own heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in his heart that a man becomes right with God; and with his mouth he tells others of his faith, confirming his salvation.

 

Easter ‘09 Reflection

 

Today I am still trying to put my mind around all that God did yesterday on Easter Sunday.  I am so proud of the people of SCC.  You were the best hosts to every person that was our guest in church yesterday.  Which the quick count was 626 people in service.  That is a record for us.

 

I say praise God. God has done a great work among us and He continues to do so.  I couldn’t help but to think back to that little house that had been turned into a church in Forest Park.  14 years ago is where it all began. That first Easter in 1995 we had maybe 120 people show up, but it began a dream inside of me that has only grown over years. 

 

I dream of a church were every member and regular attendee shares a common belief that God has placed them here on this earth to give hope to the hopeless and help through the power of God to all who are down.  It is my prayer that every person will open their heart to see how great and how good God really is. 

 

I think the people of SCC are getting very close to becoming that kind of church.  Stockbridge Community Church you are the best people I have ever had the privilege to be around.  I count it a joy to be able to be called your pastor.  Thank you for allowing me the privilege to serve with you in this great work God has given us.  Many lives have been changed because you are so selfless and compassionate.

 

If you can’t tell I am overflowing with thankfulness today for what God is doing.  I love the Church and Staff I get to serve with every day.

 

 

Stop, Drop, and……Pray

Sunday I shared with the people SCC that one of the greatest ways to have your heart healed by God is to start praying.  I shared a story about a time when firemen come to our school to teach us not to play with matches, but they also taught us that if our clothes were to catch on fire, our first reaction should be to stop, drop, and roll.

I believe that when I our life is burning out of control and we feel we are going to be consumed by our problem, it is just a sign for us to stop, drop, and pray.  The Bible says it this way,  Psalm 46:10 (NIV) “Be still, and know that I am God…”

I really think God desires for all of us to reconnect with him through prayer.  I shared Sunday how that if we really wanted God to answer a prayer that we should make a prayer list.  Just write some things down on a piece of paper and ask God everyday to do something about those needs.  I can tell you that something changed in me when I did that for a couple of weeks.  I found myself letting go of trying to fix the things that were out of my control.  It was like when I wrote them down I was really releasing them to God.  The more I pulled the list out and prayed over it, the more I began to trust God that he was going to do the miracle.  I can tell you my list is not all about me and my family.  But I did have one personal request for myself out of the 10 that I wrote out.  Can I tell you the one that God chose to answer first was the personal one for me?

I encourage you to make your list and ask God everyday for His help with whatever is on your list.  You may be surprised like I was at which prayer he decides to answer first.

God’s Word Reads Us

Yesterday I was standing in a funeral home talking to a couple from SCC